Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Did You Lose You Mind Or Did You Finally Found Your Mind?

I came out of the forest to find me. Left my excess baggage behind. Don’t really care much...don’t need it anymore. I earned it!
Here’s what I found out :You learn more from the things that don't work out, then the Things that do.
So how does this work ? Perseverance .And sometimes perseverance in the face of great adversity. So it ends up being, you have to protect what is it in you that you need for yourself in order the became that someone you need to be. And that takes discipline, takes this degree of perseverance that ultimately is not the measure of who you are as person, but its a measure of what you are as a human being. And its hard. Because their is nothing greater then defining yourself by your qualities and values as a human being. And that’s where it gets tough.
Understanding our past determines actively our ability to understand the present.
So how do we sift truth from belief, how do we write our own history, both personally or socially?. And that is my quest.
Its new years eve and im sitting here at home, didn’t feel like going anywhere. But felt this real need to write this down.
the moment thought realises what it is doing to itself – what we are doing to ourselves – it has begun really to learn", and who would disagree? But what prevents or delays this moment of truth? Why, if it is all so simple, if it is all just a matter of realising, once and for all, what one is doing, does one not realise?
Imitation without question is easier than discovery, a comfort zone ,emptiness, the truth takes longer to discover.
Surely we have taken enough time to discover what we are. We are conditioned human beings. We have discovered this fact about ourselves after listening to those one or two others who have carefully pointed it out to us, and perhaps also by experimenting a little with it for ourselves. At the end of it we may have discovered the truth - perhaps a truth discovered many times over - that we are conditioned human beings. And yet somehow we remain essentially conditioned, still caught up in our habits, our reactions and preoccupations, our prejudices and our fears, still tied to a seemingly innate bundle of human sorrows. So having taken the time and the trouble to discover all this about ourselves, what actual good has this discovery done? If, at the end of it, we are left merely with the discovery that we are conditioned and yet continue in more or less the same pattern as before, have we actually discovered anything at all of any practical use? Therefore I question whether it takes time to discover what we are. I also question whether it is a complicated process - I don't say it is simple, but I question the complication of it - because I think time and complication are necessary only when we want to avoid what we are. Then self-discovery and self-knowledge can become a lifetime's work, at the end of which we are still conditioned human beings.
Because The conditioning is the habit, taught to us as children, to shift our attention from the perception of our senses to what our memory thinks about the perception of our senses and to accept the thoughts as truth instead of the perceptions.
But if i want to act a lil as the devils advocate i can say,
Yes, sir, conditioning is the root cause - we are not saying otherwise - so there is no disagreement between us. But conditioning itself has no cause. That's the point. It may have an historical cause - because of something that happened when I was three years old, for example - but even the tracing back to find the various historical causes doesn't end conditioning. On the contrary, the very act of tracing back may be a conditioned reflex which always looks to the past for its answers.

So if conditioning has no cause, if fear has no cause, then there is only this: there is only fear. The moment we start to say, 'Well the cause of fear is this, that or the other,' then fear has already taken hold of the problem and is attempting to shape it in its own limited terms, which is in the act of providing an explanation for fear. There is no explanation for fear. So you are stuck with fear. Now will you accept that? Or you already are moving away when you only accept it as an idea. Or you resist it, say, 'What rot - fear has a cause,' and then you continue to live in fear because still you haven't found the cause. So you are forever caught in time, caught in the hope or in the belief or the in certainty of finding a cause for fear. Whereas it has no cause.

And we need to discuss all this because it is not a simple affair. Fear lies in every word we use, in the language we have inherited, which again is all part of our conditioning. What matters is our approach to the problem of fear. If you say, 'Fear has a cause,' then show me the cause and it is over and done with. But no-one has ever done this. Instead they have presented their theory or their opinion about it which is then ready to fight the next man's theory or opinion about it.
So where do we stand? Sometimes i wonder if I’ve lost my mind, or if i have finally found it.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

What attaches you?

Attachment gives a certain occupation to the mind - right? You constantly think about it. And this constant occupation is one of the factors which the brain and the mind says, "Yes I must be occupied with something" - please follow all this. With my god, with my sex, with my drink, with my god knows what - I must be occupied - with the kitchen or with the king, or with some social order, or commune, or whatever it is. And out of this demand for occupation there is attachment, you hold on to something.

Now why is the mind occupied? Why must it be occupied? And what would happen if it was not occupied? Would it go astray? Would it disintegrate? Would it feel utterly naked, empty and therefore the fear of that emptiness, therefore occupation? And therefore the importance of the furniture, the book, the idea, and all the rest of it. So out of the empty feeling and loneliness of not being totally whole, the mind is attached. You follow? And can the mind live, be vital, energetic, full of depth, without attachment? Of course it can.
But i still haven't figured it out yet. Still in a place where i'm almost dependent and emotionally vulnerable to what affectes me.

Your Inner Thoughts - Fear and Nothingness

Why do we store up flattery and insult, hurt and affection? Without this accumulation of experiences and their responses, we are not; we are nothing if we have no name, no attachment, no belief. It is the fear of being nothing that compels us to accumulate; and it is this very fear, whether conscious or unconscious, that, in spite of our accumulative activities, brings about our disintegration and destruction. If we can be aware of the truth of this fear, then it is the truth that liberates us from it, and not our purposeful determination to be free.

You are nothing. You may have your name and title, your property and bank account, you may have power and be famous; but in spite of all these safeguards, you are as nothing. You may be totally unaware of this emptiness, this nothingness, or you may simply not want to be aware of it; but it is there, do what you will to avoid it. You may try to escape from it in devious ways, through personal or collective violence, through individual or collective worship, through knowledge or amusement; but whether you are asleep or awake, it is always there. You can come upon your relationship to this nothingness and its fear only by being choicelessly aware of the escapes. You are not related to it as a separate, individual entity; you are not the observer watching it; without you, the thinker, the observer, it is not. You and nothingness are one; you and nothingness are a joint phenomenon, not two separate processes. If you, the thinker, are afraid of it and approach it as something contrary and opposed to you, then any action you may take towards it must inevitably lead to illusion and so to further conflict and misery. When there is the discovery, the experiencing of that nothingness as you, then fear - which exists only when the thinker is separate from his thoughts and so tries to establish a relationship with them - completely drops away. Only then is it possible for the mind to be still; and in this tranquillity, truth comes into being.

"There is a common need to escape, and mutually we need eachother. This usage is called love"

It is necessary to be attentive to this flow of time, no saying, "I will keep this, this part of time which has given me pleasure, which has given me satisfaction, this remembrance of something which has delighted me". There must be a total attention, in which there is no sentiment at all, no emotion. For most of us sorrow is self-pity, and self-pity is an utter waste of time in an emotional orgy. It has no value at all. What has value is the fact, not the self-pity which arises from the discovery that we cannot or can, should or should not. Self-pity breeds emotional anxiety, sentiment and all the rest. When there loss of what we need, in it is always this poison of self-pity. That self-pity takes many forms, the deep consideration for what we've lost, and so on and on and on. But where there is sorrow, there is no love. Where there is jealousy there is no love. Where man is ambitious, competitive, seeking self-advancement, trying to attain, such a person obviously has no love. We all know this intellectually, yet we pursue the way of life that breeds sorrow.

Act Like a Lady, And Think Like a Man

I am no expert on men. By no means...Actually its quite the oppisite. When it comes to men, and i'm in love, its sad to say i'm very vulnerable and submissive.
But i can say i learned a lot, or actually what i have learned i learned it the hard way through some pretty intense things i went through in past relationships.
So i can say thats in certain areas, when it comes to relationhps i have some expert advice to give to a friend in need.
So yesterday i had to make a home visit to a friend in need. (i told her that home calls were more expensive, and it was gonna cost her, specially because it was poring rain!).

So, here is the deal. My friend in need is in a relacionship white a man that is not that into her, but not because he doesnt care about. But because he's in a point of his life were he can't handle her right now. He's just can't be into her emotionally.
Its all fine, but the problem is that this friend in need, she is really in need and she's all emotionally into him, so she has all good the good intentions, but is doing in in all the wrong ways...She's pushing him away, when she should be pulling him in. But she doesn't know how to, because she's blinded by her needs and insecurities and desperation and special that fear of being alone,and being convinced that this is her last chance to be happy and of course, that he is the one who is going to to that for her. WRONG!!!!
Nothing on this planet can compare with a woman’s love—it is kind and compassionate, patient and nurturing, generous and sweet and unconditional. Pure. If you are her man, she will walk on water and through a mountain for you, too, no matter how you’ve acted out, no matter what crazy thing you’ve done, no matter the time or demand. If you are her man, she will talk to you until there just aren’t any more words left to say, encourage you when you’re at rock bottom and think there just isn’t any way out, hold you in her arms when you’re sick, and laugh with you when you’re up. And if you’re her man and that woman loves you—I mean really loves you?—she will shine you up when you’re dusty.
encourage you when you’re down, defend you even when she’s not so sure you were right, and hang on your every word, even when you’re not saying anything worth listening to. And no matter what you do, no matter how many times her friends say you’re no good, no matter how many times you slam the door on the relationship, she will give you her very best and then some, and keep right on trying to win over your heart, even when you act like everything she’s done to convince you she’s The One just isn’t good enough.
That’s a woman’s love—it stands the test of time, logic, and all circumstance.

That sall fine and dandy, but caution here, be smart about it. If you're gonna go all the way lije that. Know that if this man isn't looking for a serious relationship, you're not going to change his mind just because you two are going on dates and being intimate. You could be the most perfect woman on the Lord's green earth-you're capable of interesting conversation, you cook a mean breakfast, you hand out backrubs like sandwiches, you're independent (which means, to him, that you're not going to be in his pockets)-but if he's not ready for a serious relationship, he going to treat you like sports fish.

Now, revealing that you're a keeper is no guarantee that this guy won't just walk away. Some men really are just sport fishing and have no intention of doing anything more than throwing back the women they bed. If this is the cae with this man, then let him walk-what do you care? He's not the guy you're looking for.
But we women, when were in a situation that we are vulnerable and needdy and desperate and in a rush. So we cant see past that and we confuse things and fantasize everything to our own personal convinience. I know. I've been there.

I got one thing tough. And i told her : Men respect standarts, so get some!!!
So you have to speak up! Dont expect him to figure it out. Otherwise he's gonna act on what you put out ther for him.
If a woman laid out the rules- requirements- early on, and let her intended know that he could either rise up to those requirements, or just move on. A directive like that signals to a man that you are not a plaything-someone to be used and discarded. It tells him that what you have- your benefits- are special, and that you need time to get to know him and his ways to decide if he DESERVES them.
The man who is willing to put in the time and meet the requirments is the one you want to stick around, because tthat guy is making a conscious decision that he, too, has no interest in playing games and will do what it takes to not only stay on the job, but also get promoted and be the proud beneficiary of your benefits. And you, in the meantime, win the ultimate prize of maintaing your dignity and self-esteem, and earning the respect of the man who recognized that you were worth the wait.

Your objective is to avoid being on a string.
The first step, I think, is to get over the fear of losing a man by confronting him. Just stop being afraid, already. The most successful people in this world recognize that taking chances to get what they want is much more productive than sitting around being too scared to take a shot. The same philosophy can be applied to dating: if putting your requirements on the table means you risk him walking away, it's a risk you have to take. Because that fear can trip you up every time; all too many of you let the guy get away with disrespecting you, putting in minimal effort and holding on to the commitment to you because you're afraid he's going to walk away and you'll be alone again. And we men? We recognize this and play on it, big time.

So Newsflash: it's not the guy who determines whether you're a sports fisher or a keeper-it's you. (Don't hate the player, hate the game.) When a man approaches you you're the one with total control over the situation-whether he can talk to you, buy you a drink, dance with you, get your number, take you home, see you again, all of that. We certainly want these things from you; that's why we talked to you in the first place. But it's you who decides if you're going to give us any of the things we want, and how, exactly, we're going to get them. Where you stand in our eyes is dictated by YOUR control over the situation. Every word you say, every move you make, every signal you give to a man will help him determine whether he should try to play you, be straight with you, or move on to the next woman to do a little more sport fishing.

Anyways...that's what i've learned from the mistakes i've made in the past. Do i put it to good use? Not always. But i realize that this is the truth and if you take this approach, you will not be cheated out of your life. Thats what i've learned and Steve Harvey gave me some pointers that were right on!

Monday, December 28, 2009

This Infinite Sadness

The sadness of life is this - the emptiness that we try to fill with every conceivable trick of the mind. But that emptiness remains. Its sadness is the vain effort to possess. From this attempt comes domination and the assertion of the me, with its empty words and rich memories of things that are gone and never will come back. It is this emptiness and loneliness that isolating thought breeds and keeps nourished by the knowledge it has created.

The fundamental issue is whether the brain cells, which have been conditioned, can really bring about a mutation in themselves. Then the whole thing is simple. And i was convinced it was only possible through insight. You see nobody is willing to listen to to things in its entirety, they listen partially - agree in the sense, go together up to a certain distance, and stop there. If man really says, I must have peace in me, therefore I must live peacefully then there is peace in me. But i figured that we not always want to live in peace, he does everything opposite to that - his ambition, his arrogance, his silly petty fears and all that. And that is our human nature

Saturday, December 26, 2009

And because im on a role...

Im going through a big transition, i just know it. It because its just a big one, my emotional health is still not quite equiped to handle some stuff...And as a result sometimes i'm in conflict with what i know what i thought i knew and what i should really know. It gettings some what confusing and i find myself in this constante battle within.
So i found this on the net, that i think if i believe in, will help me lots.
Here we go :

Some thoughts to help you on a fresh start

"Use your first smile, your first form of generosity, of love, of kindness—use it at home; start at home. And if there is something left over—if … your plate is just full of abundance of patience and goodness and smiles and joy, then by all means, you should go … and offer that to others. But we must begin at home."

"If you are immune to anything, no one can hurt you."

"I marvel at my own sense of calm now. Events that used to leave me reeling, with my head in a bag of chips, no longer even faze me."

"The reason to turn brick walls into motivating forces is that if we don't, they become excuses as to why we can't accomplish things. We can all do much more than we think, once we decide to do it."

"Don't rush forward. When I'm mired in confusion about what the next step should be, when I'm asked to do something for which I feel little enthusiasm, that's my sign to just stop—to get still until my instincts give me the go-ahead."

"Patience is a skill, not an inherited trait. … It leads to relaxation, not self-harnessing. It gives you the freedom to have a pleasant time even when the traffic gods are playing with you. It converts the helpless rage of impatience into a delicious sense of spaciousness."

"You are so young, so before all beginning, and I want to beg you, as much as I can, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves."

"Silently tell yourself simple things like 'It's okay.' 'You're all right.' 'There's no rush.' 'You can do this.' You'll be amazed at the power of this humble mental-management technique to help you turn knowledge into action."

"The most amazing thing about books is the way they patiently wait on the shelf for you to be ready for them."

"We will attempt today to be aware only of what we can hear and see, and what makes perfect sense. …In patience and in hope we try again today."

"I know for sure that to be present with yourself is the most important gift you can have. Appreciate now, so that the next hour and the next year don't slip away unnoticed. Every moment matters."

"Surrender your expectations. Instead of setting yourself up for disappointment, decide to do things differently this year. When you notice yourself projecting into the future, worrying about the past or listening to your negative internal chatter, use a simple statement like 'be here now' to remind you to return your thoughts to the most useful place of all—the present!"

Love song for the one i love

OK not too often im sentimental. I'm not even too mushy about love. I'm very goffy with romance. I dont know what to do if im offered flowers.God forbit someone give my a piece of jewerly, i wouldnt know what to do wth my hands. Thats how i am.
But i have my good wolfie. The man i love and what i feel for him, just spontaneously turnes me into this woman in love who needs to express herself.

Stuff myself into your reason, I lie real close and cling.
I'd get small i'd even crawl for the madness you would bring

Find comfort in your tangled words I'd be sharper than your grief
I'd gather up into the dust of all your fears and live in the corners of what you believe.

I'd conjure up a second heart to house your sweet pain
I'd love you so hard other folks won't have to strain to hear
I'd become your shadow and haunt for just a taste of your want

This sickness is a mutant bliss, It's a slow steady shrinking into thinking
I'd evaporate without your hate to remind me i'm still here

More than any other could
I would love you like no other could. If only you'd let me

Sunday, December 20, 2009

The deep thinker

These are not my words...but i found this great article about ThoughtsWhat happens when the`thinker' sees that he is the thought - which he is - that the experiencer' is the experience? Then what is one to do? Are you following the question? The thinker is the thought and thought wanders off; then the thinker, thinking he is separate, says, `I must control it.' Is the thinker different from the thing called thought? If there is no thought, is there a thinker?

What takes place when the thinker sees he is the thought What actually takes place when the `thinker' is the thought as the `observer' is the observed? What takes place? In that there is no separation, no division and therefore no conflict therefore thought is no longer to be controlled, shaped; then what takes place? Is there then any wandering of thought at all? Before, there was control of thought, there was concentration of thought, there was the conflict between the `thinker' who wanted to control thought, and thought wandering off. That goes on all the time with all of us. Then there is the sudden realization that the `thinker' is the thought - a realization, not a verbal statement, but an actuality. Then what takes place? Is there such a thing as thought wandering? It is only when the `observer' is different from thought that he censors it; then he can say, `This is right or this is wrong thought,' or `Thought is wandering away I must control it,` But when the thinker realizes that he is the thought, is there a wandering at all? Go into it, sirs, don't accept it, you will see it for yourself. It is only when there is a resistance that there is conflict; the resistance is created by the thinker who thinks he is separate from the thought; but when the thinker realizes that he is the thought, there is no resistance - which does not mean that thought goes all over the place and does what it likes, on the contrary.

The whole concept of control and concentration undergoes a tremendous change; it becomes attention, something entirely different.

Mean Sleep

The bittersweet ambiveience cause i am pushing cobwebs and i'm folding
Into myself
Who will find me under this mean sleep?
And how could the clouds tease us into thinking it might rain how could the need
deceive us into thinking things might change i had a mean sleep over me and it
Hurts coming back to life.

My needs rising angry and my loneliness like quicksand. Who will find me under this mean sleep?
How could the clouds tease us into thinking it might rain how could the need
Deceive us into thinking things might change i had a mean sleep over me and it
Hurts coming back to life
I am lost to the longing i am moulded by the memory had to shut down half my
Mind just to still the space my deamons left behind cause i am pushing cobwebs and i'm folding into myself who will find me under this mean sleep...


It's a good journey i'm in no hurry, i can see chaos heading straight for me
Give me the dark night let the sun ignore me'cause everything's alright even what ain't good for me. I need this now!

Not looking for handouts don't need no glory leave my conditions leave my edges blurry because i need this now. I need to go through this now.
Got nothing to hold to can't stay gracefully (tough i try)

What do i need?
Make my silence softer. Take the thrill out of my anger.Its blinding me.
Sometimes i wish i could sleep through the heat and wake up a stranger (but just sometimes)

All i need is to smooth my heart down long enough to let the sunshine in that i know soon is coming my way.

So give my silence, give me peace, give me room to breath, because i really need to go through this...

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Because im in the mood...

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. If you want to feel rich, just count all of the things you have that money can't buy. "Today is a gift, that's why it is called the present."

"You are sensitive to changes around you but your feeling is hardly expressed. You hate exaggerations. Under your quiet personality, you are rather stubborn and self-centered. These qualities are the force behind your extreme persistence. Your Love- You have enormous courage to please your lover. Your relationship often progress quickly." thats what my horoscope said today about me ;)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I just wanted to wash away from the soul the dust of everyday life.

You know, the one that asks what is the sound of one hand clapping. I don't know the answer to that one. But ask me what's the sound of one soul akin and I might have an answer. It’s the sound of the rain that doesn't ever stop, the sound of all the doors in the world shutting and closing in your face at the same time, It's the sound of your own voice calling out to someone who isn't there, it’s the cold, uncaring stillness of the air you share your space with.
Welcome to the dark side of solitude.

I don't expect you to always have an answer for me. Its not that. I wasn't coming to you for a repair. i just kinda needed a shoulder to cry on. I just wanted to be wrapped around your contagious laughter. I just wanted to hear you say something that would make me smile...
But you weren’t there yesterday. I could feel it as soon as you picked up the phone, i know your tone of voice so well.
I'm not blaming you, I’m not mad at you. I just feel sad, because last night i really needed you to be there with me.
I was mentally exhausted and physically strained, i needed to be still and quite. It didn't matter if i was alone, but you're voice would have been so healing.
So i set there in the silence of my chilled car, looking at the phone, not knowing how to feel. But having the strong urge to feel sorry for myself.
Maybe i haven’t really expressed how your healing power affects me. How you have that ability. I'm not saying that its an enslaved power, but a just a simple healthy power, a positive energy.

I don't get moved by much,but i do get affected by lil things when they mean too much to me.
I wasn't going through any insecure thing, not going insane either. Rational stays in touch and thats good.
I wasn't sad because you were busy, Cause I've got things to do too and i know how it is when you need to be focused
Its not that I’m needy ( i use to be). I don't get clingy much (i know i use to)
I'm not scared .'m not afraid as such; I'm not dependent (i know I use to be)
Rock solid, stays in touch, has to.
But yesterday was a bad day...i needed just a "sweetie". And me, being that clumsy girl you know, i felt like a stupid silly lil girl lost in translation.
I felt no reciprocity, i just felt the echo of my embarrassment. Triggering unknowingly an awkward situation.
I felt i was spending energy to prove to you things that didn't need validation, words were coming out of my mouth and each syllable was worse then the other. Like i was digging a hole to hide my head in, when that was not what i needed to do.

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind. I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone who is as negative as I am sometimes.

I can be the wisest woman you've ever met. I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected. I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone. Who's as positive as I am sometimes?
I can be the funniest woman that you've ever known and the dullest too.
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone who is as everything as I am sometimes

But last night i was none of that, i was a lost soul in the dark. Closed down by my blues. And what I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know.
But i needed you so much yesterday but your phone was off the hook...

Hey, if God will send his angels. I sure could use them here right now
Well, if God will send his angels...

Monday, December 14, 2009

I'll follow you until i get it

Dont lie. Whatever, What ever you do,just be absolutly truthful. And if you have to wait to find that in yourself, then you wait and find it.But if you try and reach for somewhere outside of yourself,without some kind of foundation from yourself, you're gonna get caught.

Something inside tells you whether or not you are being true to yourself - you can sense it. You can sense the difference between sincerity and falseness. Not being true to yourself means that you are faking it for some reason of convenience, and faking it, in time, eats away at your very being.

There is a difference in believing something, and believing in something. When you believe something without a doubt, you have investigated it thoroughly and are certain of it. When you believe in something, you are subtly and purposely distancing yourself from its truth, and the further you distance yourself from truth, any truth, the less you are true to yourself.

You might believe in another person, or believe in a cause, and completely surrender to it without considering whether or not you believe that person or cause. There is a difference. This difference is what separates truth from falseness.

Being true to yourself involves tremendous courage. If you lack that courage, you fake it. You fake it when you fool yourself into believing in something simply because it makes you feel good, or makes you feel secure, or real, and this is part of the ignorant bliss you surround yourself with when you are not true to yourself.

Being true to yourself requires guts, guts to actually look closely at everything, because now you are no longer satisfied by fooling yourself. You've done that and it has boomeranged on you. It's now time to get on with life in a more mature and intelligent way, to be true to yourself for a change rather than being true to some authority that tells you what to think. Part of being true to yourself is finding the courage to stand up.

Not everybody can do this;I know sometimes i strugle with it. It's very akin. You feel the rug pulled out from under your feet. But when you begin to see how you have been manipulated, then that first step toward being true to yourself becomes intuitive; it's the only thing left for you to do as you begin to awaken from your deep sleep. I'm thinking about this. I wish i could believe in a constante manner.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Nine Hardest Times of your life

1. Being questioned when you yourself didn’t understand

2. Pretending to be innocent of what your guilty about

3. Trying to forget some things you know you never will

4. Admitting you were wrong after you have been insistent that you were right

5. Debating with yourself

6. Accepting the fact that some things are not meant to happen

7. Trying to understand when you just can’t

8. Realizing that you’re been tricked after you have been given your whole trust

9. Parting and letting go of someone who made you believe in love



When we meet the right person to love, when we're at the right place at the right time, that's chance.When you meet someone you're attracted to, that's not a choice. That's chance.Being caught up in a moment (and there are a lot of couples who get together because of this) is not a choice. That's also a chance. The difference is what happens afterwards. When will you take that infatuation, that crush, that mind-blowing attraction to the next level? That's when all sanity goes back, you sit down and contemplate whether you want to make this into a concrete relationship or just a fling. If you decide to love a person, even with his faults, that's not a chance. That's choice. When you choose to be with a person, no matter what, that's choice. Even if you know there are many people out there who are more attractive, smarter, and richer than your mate, and yet, you decide to love your mate just the same, that's choice. Infatuation, crushes, and attraction come to us by chance. But true love that lasts is truly a choice. A choice that we make. Regarding soulmates, there's a beautiful movie quote that I believe is so true about this: "Fate brings you together, but it's still up to you to make it happen. "I believe that soulmates do exist, that there is truly someone made for you. But it's still up to you to make the choice if you're going to do something about it or not. We may meet our soulmates by chance, but loving and staying with our soulmate is still a choice we have to make. We came to the world not by finding someone perfect to love, BUT to learn how to love an imperfect person perfectly.

Friday, December 11, 2009

For my Sagittarius...Happy birthday

Your motto is "It is better to know how to learn than to know." You seek knowledge and wisdom, never tiring of the quest for what is yet to come. Others enjoy being with you when you are in your outgoing and joyful mood, but you can become more sullen if you feel that your wings have been clipped. Even in a restrictive situation, however, you'll not lose hope--and it is this inspirational perspective that leads you to your greatest success.

Optimistic and freedom-loving
Jovial and good-humored
Honest and straightforward
Intellectual and philosophical

They can summon plenty of lethargy and cynicism when they choose to. They can also be very delicate, diplomatic and deep. It's just that, because Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter - the planet of hope - they can never quite silence an inner voice of optimism. Events may reduce it to a whisper for a while but it always returns to a roar, the moment they spot a possible solution to a problem. Sagittarians are idealists who want everything to be wonderful. They are also extremists who hate half measures. For them, it's either gung ho or no go.

Sagittarius is associated with action, passion, and energy. Those under its influence are said to be idealistic and adventurous, but often deficient in tact. As a Mutable sign, it is also associated with resourcefulness, holism and adaptability.

Sagittarians will always excel when faced with a challenge as they have this need of challenge inherit within them. The children of Sagittarius can be very foolhardy and risk takers; it is for this reason that they should develop their inherit intellectual powers to avoid taking these unnecessary risks. Sagittarians are usually modest and are often religious, with a strong sense of morality,

Unusual ideas
Being on the move
Luxury items
New friends

Public disapproval
Playing safe
Being doubted


Optimistic, Jovial, Generous, Philosophical, Lucky. This sign conveys a great breadth of vision and the ability to assimilate a complex situation quickly and gain control;

Good sense of humor, hopeful, simple yet practical, interactive, attractive, like to travel, outgoing & like ventilated, pleasant places. They also like freedom, sports and can be quite adventurous, funny. They have got strong will power & mostly are live-hearted, talkative, religious, love to work hard & hate laziness.

Sagittarians have a positive outlook on life, are full of enterprise, energy, versatility, adventurousness and eagerness to extend experience beyond the physically familiar. They enjoy traveling and exploration, the more so because their minds are constantly open to new dimensions of thought. They are basically ambitious and optimistic, and continue to be so even when their hopes are dashed.

They have both profound and widely ranging minds, equipped with foresight and good judgment, and they can be witty conversationalists. They love to initiate new projects (they make excellent researchers) and have an urge to understand conceptions that are new to them.

They are honorable, honest, trustworthy, truthful, generous and sincere, with a passion for justice. They are usually on the side of the underdog in society they will fight for any cause they believe to be just, and are prepared to be rebellious. They balance loyalty with independence.

Blindly optimistic and careless
Irresponsible and superficial
Tactless and restless

Often become depressed when desired are not fulfilled. They can be arrogant, could show lack of humility, bigoted, careless, lawless. Their strongly idealistic natures can also suffer many disappointments without being affected.

You have a charming sense of humor but you can let it get out of hand; practical jokes are rarely funny to the victims.

YOUR MOST CRUCIAL PERIODFrom the age of twenty up to the age of thirty five.

When you strive, you stumble. When you make the most of what's on offer, you get magical results. The betterment of humanity through integration of your beliefs and aspirations will be your life's work.

Optimistic and freedom-loving
Jovial and good-humored
Honest and straightforward
Intellectual and philosophical

People came intoyour life for a reason...i know my person, i know the reason

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or dosomething to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.!
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to
have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and
put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Im silently hoping that is for a lifetime...its a secret (not so anymore) i keep inside.


A certain shopkeeper sent his son to learn about the secret of happiness from the wisest man in the world. The lad wandered through the desert for forty days, and finally come upon a beautiful castle, high atop a mountain. It was there that the wise man lived.Rather than finding a saintly man, though, our hero, upon entering the main room of the castle, saw a hive of activity: tradesmen came and went, people were conversing in the corners, a small orchestra was playing soft music, and there was a table covered with platters of the most delicious food in that part of the world. The wise man conversed with everyone, and the boy had to wait fortwo hours before it was his turn to be given the man’s attention.The wise man listened attentively to the boy’s explanation of why he had come, but told him that he didn’t have time just then to explain the secret of happiness. He suggested that the boy will look around the palace and return in two hours.“Meanwhile, I want to ask you to do something, “ said the wise man, handing the boy a teaspoon that held two drops of oil. “As you wander around carry this spoon with you without allowing the oil to spill.”The boy began climbing and descending the many stairways of the palace, keeping his eyes fixed on the spoon. After 2 hours, he returned to the room where the wise man was.“Well, “asked the wise man, “Did you see the Persian tapestries that are hanging in my dining hall? Did you see the garden that it took the master gardener ten years to create? Did you notice the beautiful parchments in my library?”The boy was embarrassed, and confessed that he had observed nothing. His only concern had been not to spill the oil that the wise man had entrusted to him.“Then go back and observe the marvels of my world, “said the wise man. “You cannot trust a man if you don’t know his house.”Relieved, the boy picked up the spoon and returned to his exploration of the palace, this time observing all the works of art on the ceilings and the walls. He saw the gardens, the mountains all around him, the beauty of the flowers, and the taste with which everything had been selected. Upon returning to the wise man, he related in detail everything he had seen.“But where are the drops of oil I entrusted to you?” asked the wise man.Looking down at the spoon he held, the boy saw that the oil was gone.“Well, there is only one piece of advice I can give you,” said the wisest among the wise man. “The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon.

I found this story on a blog. I had heard it before, its really beautiful to read

The Scorpio Factor

I got an email today about my horoscope and it went like this...:

Today's airy Libra Moon harmonizes with five planets, encouraging us to be easygoing even if we must respond to unexpected events. But rational Mercury forms an uncomfortable semisquare with confusing Neptune, enabling us to misunderstand what's happening if we ignore the facts. Although positive thinking can help, we should separate our dreams from reality. The Moon's entry into intense Scorpio at 11:31 pm EST quickly snaps us back to the real world"

hum....said to self. I wonder that this means...Whatever it means i better not take it for granted. Let put pull the skirt off of it.
The Scorpion is one intense little creature, with enough poison in its own tail to disable or kill a much larger opponent. But the problem with this kind of built-in biological weaponry is that it must be mastered in order to be used most effectively. You Scorpios can use your "stinger" for self-defense, using your powerful emotional awareness to render your opponent harmless. But there is a sexual component of poisonous tail also, and until you learn to control those strong urges, you may find yourself in uncomfortable situations.

Scorpio is the only sign that has three animal totems. First, there is the well-known Scorpion with its active tail. Second, as the Scorpio learns to master its passion and hold its instincts at bay, it changes into the Eagle. The Eagle has more perspective, for it flies high above the surface of circumstances, swooping down with its power only to kill prey for food. In its third form, the Scorpion becomes the always-peaceful dove. The real meaning of Scorpio is thus shown. Scorpio is about metamorphosis. Scorpios transform the painful poisons of possessive passion into a higher consciousness based on universal love.

Your motto might be "What is hidden is more interesting than what is obvious." You are the detectives of the zodiac. Your magnetic personality draws others to you. But you can also be secretive yourself, for you learn early on that when you express everything, others may be scared by the power of your feelings. You desperately want to have someone to merge with your feelings, but can become cold and withdrawn when hurt in love. You have the magic to light up the dark, but sometimes you would benefit by looking at the positive side of things rather than going into the darkness at all.

yeah, that can be me!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Think About This....

The space inside this circle represents our realm of knowledge. All that we think we know about whatever we think we know is depicted right here within this circle! We must keep in mind That there is more to know than what is within the circumference of our awareness!
One recent study concluded that the “mind” is situated within our emotions. Still its as hard to understand to professional analysis as it does within each and every one of us. Intuition may well be the very essence of communication as we know and understand it. It is from this state that ideas are born from an imagination fueled by a desire to know.

So, you may ask, how does one get a handle on it? For me, it is both as simple and complex as you can imagine. For one thing, logic must be checked at the door as we develop an “Intuitive Body” based upon what i've learned. From this perspective, one can refine the way we experience incoming info, to have a direct affect upon our perception of all incoming experiences. In other words, we are what we create and we manifest our own realities.

"Perception of this phenomenon is enhanced by exercising a powerful tool: the imagination. Perception in this context, equals knowledge. Knowledge in this case, is different from intellect, in that we attain intelligence in measure, while knowledge is received in mass. Awareness can also equal knowledge, and therefore both perception and awareness can be seen as aspects of the same force of mind that may open us up to that most treasured of states, Knowledge of Self.
Knowledge of Self should be the most important criteria for existence, not survival! I believe it is the primary purpose of human consciousness, and the use of the human mind as its gathering tool. It is our most precious element; far greater than food, shelter, sex or power over others.

True awareness? Is when the heart links together with the mind and performe a field of thought.
Harmony and ideal? Real of awareness : "suspended somewhere within that field, the Realm of Awareness takes shape as a third point of reference. This alternate point is a ‘perceived emotion’ or a ‘felt perception’ that is both intuitively acknowledged and intellectually identified. It is the realm of the Soul."

Think about this,next time you act out of impulse or anger or frustration or misinterpretation...

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Never Give the devil a ride, he will always want to drive...and i can feel it when the devil is ridding you.

I know what you're going through. I mean, i can imagine. Because i couldn’t possibly know What you're going through.
But i wanted in some silent and respectful way to tell you and i want for my words to somehow in a selfish way to remind you, that i am here and that i am part of your story, a part that is unconditional, loyal, true faithful and present.
I can't erase the pain others caused you, i didn't exist back then. I wish i could take it all away from your memory, but i know it would be unnatural and with would probably change the course of your history. The root of your lifes circustantances.
I wish that i could find words that gave you peace of and and closure, but maybe its not in my place to do it. Good will is not enough, love instar enough sometimes...
But ican tell you that from the little that i know, in the larger questions in life, and how to approach life in what is right and wrong, the path is actually quite clear, its up to you weather or not you chose to take it.

I can say that almost everything that is good my life has shaped by finding in you a person that has thought me to learn about me, learn to love me, take care of me, make myself happy before i can take a step towards someone.

When i met you i didn’t even know the significance of low self-esteem. And the tragic thing about it is that is was my most castrating issue i had. I knew slightly about the symptoms, but i had no idea how it had taken over me for so long. I never had explored it, i never took the time to even lay the foundation for a beginning of a research.
My thinking was completely distorted, my emotions and my actions weren't even being explored.
My thinking was affected and infected by irrational beliefs that were unfounded in reality, but but motivated by the need to induce guilt, fear, mistrust, insecurity and manipulation. No meat in the bones.
This kind of irrational thinking made me to develop negative self-scripts that kept my self-esteem low made me feel bad about myself.
In my mind, my emotions and feelings were distorted because i felt (witch might have been a produced of my imagination)I was not allowed to express feelings in a "normal" healthy way. I was convinced that i was always expected to be extrovert and funny and looking good, and not express anything negative.
With that kind of conditioned thinking, i felt i was not encouraged to be overly expressive about any drama i might have been going through. And consequently because i kept it inside and never analyzed it and acted mostly on impulse, when i did express myself, it would come out in an exaggerated and explosive way. Resulting most of the time in depression and frustration. I remember that to keep my sanity, i tried to control people around me and the events and circumstances that surrounded me. I didnt know how to take control of my thinking, feelings and behaviours.
Anger for instance, i was so controlled by my anger (that had no specific foundation)that i took pleasure inbeing hostile and explosive and i couldn't rest until i hurt someone verbally ,and most of the time it was people that i loved. And it resulted in faulty communications and an incredible inability to express my feelings or even to listen to others and reflect about their feelings and how i was affecting them, i had no skill for that. I had no emotional balance.
I know from the research that i have done over this subject that has stood in the way of my peace of mind, that its not an easy task, but a long and slow process. And these old habits are hard to break. I have fantasy dreams of the way things are supposed to be, and these dreams die hard. I know that the path to come afloat involves a lot of hard work and effort.
To correct my way of thinking i'll need to learn what "normal" is and to get in touch what was is reality in my life. I'll need to identify, discard and replace negative self-scripts. I need to be thought how to identify and label my feelings. Give myself permission to have both negative and positive feelings. Courage to get in touch with how i feel about the reality in my life. True self felt feelings and acceptance of responsibility for my own actions and not blame others. It may even need a rewriting and a change in my old personality traits. Replacing it with healthy coping skills they will be able to help me with the stresses in my life in a more productive way. To be able to put problems and concerns, and conflicts and issues that come into anybodies everyday life. To put things in a correct perspective way, but in a perspective way without becoming too idealistic. That’s a good goal.
A lot of issues need to be addressed and commitment is needed to keep the focus clear and direct.
Funny, i came here to write words o support to you and i end up reflecting on me. Maybe we mirror each other with our issues...

Bu you inspire me, to be the higher me. You made my desire pure, you made my desire pure. I can't find the words to say enough. I had almost no identity.
Oh how i wished you could touch me. Touch my mouth with your hands, you can't understand the meaning of your embrace, the affect it has on me, but I’ve tried may times to explain it, but they are just simple words and all i can say and all i can come up with is that if feels like coming home.

Thats why i know when you're troubled and the Devi’s ridding you. All i can do, and i know you appreciate it is keep silent and respectively await your return to me.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Seranathing my blues

"It's tempting to sit on the fence, but mental Mercury's conjunction with compulsive Pluto will likely push you one way or the other. Unfortunately, as Mercury squares resistant Saturn, you'll probably regret your choice no matter what you decide. Make up your mind, but avoid getting overly attached to the outcome, since your plans won't likely help you reach your goals now."

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Romencing the Devine

These are not my words...but i read this article and fell in love with it. It gave peace and comforte. Its almost like a prayer.

Have you ever wondered if it was possible to romance God? We know
that He romanced Israel especially when they turned away from Him. He said,
“Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak
comfortably unto her,” Hosea 2:14. Is it then possible that we as well can
romance the divine – become intimate with Him?
I think it is possible that we, who believe in Him and His beloved Son,
Yeshua, can indeed romance Him right back. I think this is the case in most
relationships but we fail to realize it because to us romance seems to always
convey sex rather than intimacy. Intimacy in truth is really drawing one into your
space, and unveiling your most inner being, the true person that you are, in their
presence uninhibited. Well, that’s my definition anyway. So, how is it possible
that a mere human can romance the divine?
In Him romancing us, He laid down His life through His only begotten
Son. He laid it all on the line for us. He allured us to Calvary and there He took
the plunge. He gave up the ghost so that we could gain access to His chamber
behind the veil where we can speak comfortably to Him. It is there in that space
which is His and His alone that we are able to romance Him.
Behind His veil we are able to unveil ourselves, expose our thoughts and
secret ways to Him without fear or condemnation. And there we are able to
speak softly and tenderly, whispering our shame our disgrace and our hurts. But
as a true lover ought to be, He does not shame us in the moment, He embraces
us right back and He sees only His beloved and He falls instep and whispers
right back. My beloved, where have you been? What has taken you so long?
Romance is alluring that person of your interest into your wilderness, that
place where no one else but your true love desires to be. True love will accept
you with all your flaws and shortcomings, and so, when you romance the divine
you must be true to yourself so that He will come into you. Into that place where
your secret reservoir of hope is and He will answer you back with grace oh so
amazing. It is at this point when intimacy emanates in His chamber.
Romance should always be a two-way street that invokes intimacy and
culminates in embrace. To the divine, intimacy can be a whispered prayer, a
silent moment in His presence, an upward glance at the beauty of His creation,
or even a song that erupts out of sheer pleasure from being in His presence. It is
these things and more. We also allure Him each time we invoke the love He has
placed in each of us to speak life and not evil, to help each other not to hinder, or
when we lift our voices in praise and bend our knees in worship in our exaltation
of Him. This is akin to speaking comfortably to Him. Each time we engage in
something that is right out of the heart of God we allure Him to our side and each
whispered breath of adoration is like sweet communion with Him.
Being in Israel is like a constant romance of the divine. Each wisp of wind
is like a kiss from Him. The lapping of the waves on the shore is like God alluring
me to the water’s edge to soak Him up and in. The beauty of the Jerusalem
stones glistening in the morning sunlight reflects in my soul like His banner over
me is love. The starlit sky is like a canopy that blankets His inner chamber with
the beauty of His majesty. The land is like the table He sets before me and all of
the harvest is what He has prepared for me to delight in. So what have I given to
Him that might be considered a worthy token of love?
I wake up daily at 6am and walk for about 2 hours. During one of these
walks I pondered the frailty of my soul and the darkness of my past. I could not
comprehend why in this land things were beginning to fade from me, and life was
coming back into these dry bones. The land, the nation, is becoming life to me,
although in my soul I felt like a barren wilderness. Yet somehow, I did not/do not
feel alone, I felt a tug like someone was alluring me away from my own self
absorbency and dismay. I was being romanced by the divine and didn’t realize it.
He restored my soul! He was whispering to me on my walks melodies of
love not retribution. He was blowing His breath upon my face and each breath I
took was like drawing more of Him in. Without a doubt, to every stronghold of my
life He presented someone in my path to speak life into that area and the chains
began to break away. He did not leave anything undone. There were words of life
to my eyes, my age, my hair, my complexion, my size, and my face. He used His
own Holy people to romance my soul and awaken my heart to life and love for
my own self. My token to Him is that I have finally learned how to accept the
divine romancing me.
I am responding in kind. I look in the mirror and I see a pearl once hidden
at the bottom of the ocean in the jaws of a clam. Every shell I pass on the beach
of Tel Aviv is a constant reminder to me of where He plucked me from. I look and
now I see and I smile. I see only my Father’s eyes, the many years He graced
me with, the coils that crown my head, the golden glow of His sunsets reflected in
my complexion, the mass of my body that imitate the curving hills of Jerusalem
and my face and age indiscernible as time being saved in a bottle. I allure Him,
as I give way to recognition of who He made me to be and what I accept from
Him – I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I think He finds pleasure in that. I
think He knows my heart is hid in Him. I think this is how we romance the divine –
when we accept and acknowledge His presence in all of our lives and the world.
So, you must speak comfortably to Him about yourself and as you allure
Him into your wilderness, He will speak as a lover to your soul and before you
realize it, you are romancing the divine and He is romancing you.
This is what being in Israel is doing for me. This is what happened when I
came here to provoke His people to jealousy. I learned to romance the divine and
recognize when and how He is romancing me.

By Joy from the Trumpet Team

Sunday, November 29, 2009

The Dark Side Of The Moon

I'm not in the mood to serenade sorrow, I'm not here for that, its not me anymore.
There was a time that I could get by but this was once upon a lie.
This riht here is a dialogue with my mind,a much needed conversation:

I'm not sure what worries me more, The fact that I'm talking to a wall
Or that the wall keeps answering me,saying that I've heard it all before.
Never underestimate how complicated a simple life can be.

You've gotta keep it together.You've gotta keep it together so I can fall apart

I know you've grown tired of trying to feed me and I know by now my reputation precedes me.
I know you've grown tired of trying to fix me but i also know by now my best years, they are yet tocome.

But right now, i'm in a dark place and i can't figure out how to reach the light.
Maybe i started messing with what i shouldn't have. But you didn't worn me, you didnt give me the signal that i wasn't read to take it in. Why would you do that to me? Remember when we read somewhere "when you're ready the teachers will appear"?!
Well maybe i wasn't ready. But you thought that you could teach me a lesson and just throw me out there into the limb. Is it because you know me so well,you think that its the only way that i get things movin?

But regardless, i still think that i've been messing where i shouldnt be messing and now i fell into the dark and i know that 'm going to have to stay here untill i get it fixed in order to find the light. Your've forced me into this, you set me up for it and now i have no choise but to deal with it.

I didnt know i hadso much pain inside of me and now i feel all its heavy burden weight on me.
My pain reaches beyond the physical realm, its the kind of deep pain that can only be found in your heart.

Anything that is so explosive and tender, so passionate and deep, so simple and yet so complex is going to leave behind a mark; and it's going to hurt. It's a powerful thing and when you go and touch on a wound that you toke for granted or didnt take serious it affects everything that you are. Because it was always from the beginning a serious thing to recon with, you just didnt wnat to recon with it. Pure and simple.
there are certain things in my life that I must take care of, so I can't act on alot of other things before i handle these other things, believe it or not.

It hurts to hold yourself back when all you want to do is let go but,certain beliefs would just be too harmful to yourself if you just try to ignore them. It is unfortunate that in this world love isn't the only thing that matters, it is hard but there are other things to consider before you get yourself out there exposed. You need to establish what is most important to you so that if ever you fall in the darkness you don't lose yourself in the emotion. You don't lose who you are. Know what you believe and what you want and don't waver from that. At the time it may seem stupid and one of the hardest things you've ever had to do but in the end you won't regret keeping your standards.

I know,i know, but right now while i dwell in the dark, there is this constant state of insecurity, sadness and fear. I feel lost and i cant help myself.
I wish i could recover the dignity that i let go in replacement of things that i though were importante to me.I feel guilty for allowing myself to fall for that. I wish i had been more aware, more protective of my spirit and my soul. But i wasn't.
I spent too much time acting on fear and fear has left a holein me that i gotta find a cure for. I dont want to be in this dark side of the moon.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Its been 30 days since i left

I miss you, i miss you like you couldn't believe. Like if i told someone about they would say it couldn't be.
miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because i know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when i lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spend with eachother;for those are some of the best times of my life.
you are part of me. That's the way it was meant to be. People are brought together for a reason, everything happens for a reason.

How do i hold on? its hard its painfull and im a sad person away from you.
So i cant wait to be alone so that i can get inside my mind and find you there.
So it begins....

The feeling of love, it starts as a small seed planted in the pit of your stomach and each day, it grows and grows until your entire body is submerged in this indescribable feeling.I never want it to stop growing. It gets so bad that I can hardly get enough of him, it honestly hurts until I finally am back with him.

And there are absolutely times I look at him and am so in love with him that it does hurt—not in a bad way, just as if my heart is so full it’s having a hard time containing all the love I feel. It’s amazing and wonderful and frightening but so very worth it, because you find out who you are and what you’re capable of.

I miss him and i wish i could tell him without him feeling suffocated by it

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Mr Bojangles

Music to me is form of art and expression and one wich is not thought or aquired, your're either born the gif or not
And i admire musicians for this. Their ability to create and move and inspire us.
So music thouchs me in all sorts of ways and is one of my favorite companions. And this song "Mr Bojangles" is one of the saddest, most soul hurting, and yet most accurate form of display of dignity and joy for life, and if its sang by Miss Nina Simone...all you can do is sit and listen in silence.

"I knew a man Bojangles
And he danced for you
In worn out shoes

With silver hair, a ragged shirt
And baggy pants, the old soft shoe

He jumped so high,
He jumped so high,
Then he lightly touched down

Mr. Bojangles, Mr. Bojangles,
Mr. Bojangles, dance!

I met him in a cell in New Orleans,
I was down and out
He looked to be the eyes of age as spoke right out
He talked of life,
He talked of life,
He laughed, slapped his leg a step

He said his name, Bojangles,
Then he danced a lick across the cell
He grabbed pants of better stants,
Then he jumped up high, he clicked his heels
He let go a laugh,
He let go a laugh, shook back his clothes all around

Mr. Bojangles, Mr. Bojangles,
Mr. Bojangles, dance!
La-dee da da...

He danced for those at minstrel shows
And county fairs throughout the south
He spoke with tears of 15 years
How his dog and he traveled about
His dog up and died, up and died,
After 20 years he still grieved

He said I dance now at ev'ry chance
In honky tonks for drinks and tips
But most of the time
I spend behind these county bars
He said 'I drinks a bit'
He shook his head
And as he shook his head
I heard someone ask "Please!"

Mr. Bojangles, Mr. Bojangles,
Mr. Bojangles, dance!
La-dee da da...
Dance! Dance! Dance!"

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Introvert - witch one are you?

They say ignorance is bliss. Yeah but they also say that knowledhe is power, so where do we stay? or, where do we want to stay?!
Well me sometimes i want to stay in the dark and other times i want the headlight on me. (i might react like a dear tough in the middle of the road with the cars headlight on me!LOL)
But what defines our nature and the we way think and process what goes on in our minds.
Most of us are introverts or extroverts by nature, but we all display either introverted or extroverted personality characteristics at different times.

For instance, you may be an introvert in a group of strangers and an extrovert at home with your family. However, most people exhibit stronger tendencies one way or another, towards either the introvert or extrovert side of the spectrum.

From what i read recently, introverts have an inward focus and aren't usually the life of the party. They have a strong sense of self that can make them feel highly self-conscious around other people – making walking into a crowded room a little nerve-wracking. Introverts have a hard time being goofy in front of the camera and telling jokes to more than a couple of people at a time, but they can be extremely witty. They're less "Larry, Curly, and Moe" and more Woody Allen - but that doesn't mean introverts' personality traits are neurotic.

Introverts process their emotions, thoughts, and observations internally. They can be social people, but reveal less about themselves than extroverts do. Introverts are more private, and less public. Introverts need time to think before responding to a situation, and develop their ideas by reflecting privately. Introverts' personality traits can be passionate, but not usually aggressive.
Introverts can focus their attention more readily and for longer periods of time, and they aren't easily swayed by other people's opinions.

Some introverts aren't stereotypically shy and can strike up conversations with anyone. These introverts enjoy talking and listening to people, and going to parties and events. But most introverts would rather be at home. Introverts can find small talk easy but tiring – and sometimes boring. They'd rather have meaningful conversations about the depths of human souls and minds, but find few opportunities (those aren't your usual conversations at water coolers or dinner parties!).

An introvert's personality traits aren't necessarily tentative or hesitant, but introverts do prefer to think before they act. When introverts are ready they take action!

To Introverts sometimes being with people is draining. After a day filled with people or activities, introverts tend to feel exhausted and empty. To recharge their batteries introverts need to be alone reading, daydreaming, painting, any solo activity fills them up again. This doesn't mean introverts have to live alone in a cave in the hills ; they just need quiet time to come back to themselves. The energy source for introverts is from within.

Introverts don't necessarily have a fear of intimacy – but they can be more difficult to get to know than an outgoing, friendly extrovert. Dating and relationships for introverts can be challenging.

so what are you? i think that im a lil of both, it dependes on the circumstances im in and the people i'm with.

Gravity ...something always brings me back to you

I miss you...
Your face, the reason i smile when i think that no one is watching.I'll always love you, i hope you'll feel the same for me one day.
Transforme like into love. I wish you knew the way that love can be when you are not with me.
Maybe i should've showed you better days, better times, better nights...but sometimes i dont know better. I wish that i had the ability in me to show you the way to listen to the way I feel when love can change you and arranges you
Heaven bless the day God sent you here.Hoping that love don't disappear
Feel you in ways I can't understand and missing you in ways i wish were easier.

Something always brings me back to you.It never takes too long.
Because you hold me without touch.You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.But you're on to me and all over me.
Dont misunderstand me 'cause sometimes i cant be anything but fragile.
When then I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone. But then out of no where comes a side of me that only comes out in your presence and that is a side of me that onl you can see and i wonder if im being selfish for hiding that peace of me from everybody else and are only willing to share it with you.
But what if i am. I dont care...its someting between you and me and nobody else, because intimicy should be whispered. And what we have that only you and i undertsand is for yours and mine eyes and ears and senses and touch. Its our private world. And i'm not willing to let the door open and expose it no no one. No matter what intentions they might have.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

This is For The Chronic Whiners and Spoilt Brats (including me!)

Oh just look at you. Whiners and spoilt brats (including me!)
Dwelling on your misery, looking like ATLAS (cuz you act like you carry the world on your shoulders)
Attention seakers
Counting the cost of your desire to be seen

I do not count myself among you (but i do)
I may be living in a dream
It's just there seem so many of you
Can't help but hope
There's a difference and me. Or is it me?

Maybe your mama gave you up boy
(it's the same old same old)
Maybe your daddy didn't love you enough girl

Never forget your secret's safe with me
Just look at all the wonderful people around you
Trying to forget they had to put up with what you become and turned yourself into

It's a dream
With a nightmare stuck in the middle
But where would you be
Without all of that attention
You'd die. We'd die wouldn't we

Talk about your mother, talk about your father
Talk about the people who have made you what you are
Talk about your teacher, the bully boy who beat you

Did you get off on a bad foot, baby? Do you have a little tale to tell
Is that why you're a the way you are? Is that what makes a whiner?

Nothing comes for nothing, baby. The things you complain about and the things that others have that you poor lil thing dont aren't heaven sent
And who gives a fuck about your problems, darling when you can pay the rent

How much is enough?

Monday, November 9, 2009

The Stress Factor - Reality does bite after all

The other day the person that i love, sent me an article for me to interpret and give my opinion about. It Was about stress.
And it started with a quote by Woody Allen that said "I can't express stress.I grow a tumor instead". Honestly it caught me off guard i thought it was a shocking and horrible thing to say. But then i read the article was as if it had a domino affect on me. So i decided to explore what i always considered as a whim of people that coudn't control themselves. Neveras a desease. So this is what i learned.
and want to knowmore about.
Let's face it. When you're stressed, it's not just in your head. The key to handling your stress and your bodies' reaction to stress is self-management. Understand that stress is just a word (but a dangerous one if taken serious).I´m trying this new thing now wich is, i try to take the time to recognize how i feel when i´m "stressed" as well as relaxed. I know It's Not Just in Your Mind
Stressed? Just hearing the word can make your body react. Think about it.
Sojourner Truth said, "It's the mind that controls the body." Stress begins and ends in the brain.

I was reading an article that was explaining how stress is processed by your body and mind. So i said that for exemple, that you just noticed a big, ugly bug crawling next to you. Your stress response would kick in. The stress response begins in your brain. Your brain kicks it up by sending messages to the body. Your body responds by producing cortisol and norepinephrine. You've heard of "fight or flight"? As you are deciding what to do about the bug, your body is in automatic pilot. Blood sugar or glucose gets released into your bloodstream, your blood pressure increases, and your heart starts pumping. This is all good; the acute stress response is working. You make a decision about the bug, and move on. Your body slows back down to normal. So what i understood from it is that acute stress is not all bad. Sometimes you need a jolt of adrenaline to enhance your awareness, make it through a challenging project or give you the "energy" to make a decision.

But then there's Chronic Stress, wich is a different story. Unfortunately, most of us walk around in a state of chronic stress and we don't even know it. Our muscles are tight, nerves on "edge" and feel ready to snap. Sound familiar? To me it does. It comes in all sorts of sighs that we might not even be aware of. In a state of Chronic Stress, your brain is constantly firing, messages to your body it tries and tries. Your blood pressure goes up, the heart beats faster, muscles tire, and patience wears thin. Chronic Stress can kill you. It contributes to chronic diseases like Diabetes, Hypertension, Ulcers, Anxiety, and Depression. Your immune system is affected and leaves your more susceptible to colds and the flu.
We often refer to stress as an emotion, but it is actually a much more complicated phenomenon. Stress is, in fact, a complex mix of emotional, physical and behavioral responses. Feeling "stressed out" is your body's way of saying, "I cannot cope with this challenging situation."

But stress is not always just a result of something negative happening to us. It can be something that takes us out of our usual routines, or something that creates more responsibility or work for us—even something very positive and exciting, like planning a trip, or getting ready to do something that you've been longing to do for a long time.

Having some level of stress is a necessary and positive thing. Stress can be motivating and can enhance your performance. Eather at your job or at any social activity.

But too much stress is a bad thing. Chronic stress causes health problems such as high blood pressure and heart disease, as well as immune deficiencies, which can make it harder for your body to fight infections. Chronic stress also causes memory and concentration problems, and can lead to depression and anxiety disorders.

Most of life is not "completely great" or "horribly bad." But when we are stressed, we are more likely to think in extrems. These kinds of thoughts often include the words "always" and "never." For example, you might tell yourself, "I will never feel good again!" Or, "Bad things always happen to me!"

Are either of these statements really true? The answer will always be in you, that is if you are willing to listen to your body and to your mind.

This Girls Whim

This is me. I got all these lil whims. I have needs that cannot be met or satisfied.
Im stubborn, i know. Hipochondriac.
Rageful when i feel i'm being attacked. I dont eat onion, cuz i might have to french kiss in a lil while.
When i'm not at the drivers seat, the only option is passenger side, next to the driver. I dont impose myself on no one. Wont definitely implore affection on no one.
I'm very private about my relationships, i'd rather keep it to myself.
Dont have many friends. Dont want to anyway because you gotta be very smart about who you chose to share your secrets with.
So yeah, i'm a pain in the rear, very bitchy at times, but hey won't i stand in the way of no one that doesn't wanna be bothered. I'll only bother the ones that don't think i'm a pain in the ass and actually like my company.
Oh yes i think that some of the times i am a peace of work. But i guess its just like you having a Rolls Royce : if you dont want to pay the high price of maintenance, you should ride a passat instead!


Melancholy And The Infinite Sadness

I've been cracking my head recently, whining about my sadness that I've been hiding through smiles and laughter with friends and officemates. I think that ultimate happiness is a myth untill you truly understand its meaning. But untill you do, such bliss can only be experienced momentarily, and one only has the right composure and well-made mask to seal his melancholia. Sadness is something we feel involuntarily and no matter how much we philosophize that loneliness is a state of mind. the mere fact that we think of it as such just re-affirms that we are actually sad.

It's difficult to understand that the purpose of living this world is to achieve happiness, and we all have these fantasies and own means and processes to reach that point. The bottomline of all these ambitions and passions is to unearth cloud nine.

We say there are enough reasons to be happy. We have our family, our home, our job, our money ... the fact that we are breathing is enough to put a smile in our faces. But we are too human to be contented: we must dream. And we will spend our entire lifetime searching for our purpose. And the stark reality is we will lurk on our unsatisfctory selves most of our time.

Nothing in this life is simple. Nothing is boring. The fact that you want to escape the state of "boredom" is a challenge on its own. And contemplation means ticking your brains out, bursting your brain cells to come up with something. When we envision a simple life, we are actually dreaming og something grandiose. What we normally say, at most times to cover our projected wisdom and positive self-image, isn't entirely what we really want to say. We mustn't entirely believe every spoken word, every written term. The heck, mine may be entirely different from what I really want to mean, but the sure thing is, we are continuously searching, cracking our own codes.

So, where am I? Ah, sadness. And we have different ways of coping up. Mine happened to be playing with words

Friday, November 6, 2009

Vows of submission

vows of submittion ... Can i have it like that? You got it like that!

I can iron your vest if you want to, The one that you don't wear cuz its wrinkled.
I´ll soe your stockings, for when winter comes...
I'll cover you with my Rain Cout, i wouldnt want to see you wet.
If it gets real cold at night, i could cover him with my body's heat.
And you'll see how velvet skin, thats now cold, comes so fresh in the summer time
And when outum comes...i'll dust off the leafs from your porch so we can lay beneath all those planets.
My sent will cover you with lil touches of lavander. There's another women in me (secret) some of ém ninfets and in my body only you and lightweight dresses, to be taken by total desire to dream.
But when it is time for me silence and go tough I know that suffering, I'll leave you far from me.
I am not embarrassed to ask for his love (charity), but will it protect my dignity?
I won´t leave (not even willing) a photograph.
Only the cold, the planets, ninfetas and all my poetry) ) )

*Fernada Youg

Fernanda Young

"Nossas dúvidas são traidoras e nos fazem perder o que, com freqüência, poderíamos ganhar, por simples medo de arriscar"

"o problema é que quero muitas
coisas simples,
então pareço exigente."

"é melhor mesmo continuar escrevendo
essas frases curtas, que assim amontoadas,
dão um ar de coisa, coisa pensada,
e nem é, sabe? nem é importante..."

"tem a premência de salvar, mas não é uma bóia,
não provoca epifânias, e por isso nem é inspiração.
não provoca nada."
quantos dias perdi você,
olhando para mim,
dentro do seu corpo.

"sinto-lhe como ponte elevadiça.
subo. desço.
entro e saio.
jamais fico,
jamais ao lado.
somente embaixo,
somente em cima."

"somos arquietípicos,
ridículos, etéreos
e nunca comuns.
comuns são os casais,
nós não somos nada."

"não mais delirar,
nem sentir no corpo
esse seguir sem descanço,
atrás de sutilezas que não
podem ser descritas."

"a culpa não é sua, nem minha.
mas serei eu a que irá arder nas chamas,
porque bruxos não existem."

"Uma pessoa olhando para um celular que não toca - não há cena mais idiota. Os celulares foram justamente inventados para que ninguém precise mais ficar aguardando uma ligação ao lado do telefone."

"Existem pessoas que tornam a tolerância tão difícil, que esta deveria ser considerada praticamente em superpoder"

"Acho sim, que, às vezes, dou trabalho.Mas é como ter um Rolls Royce: se você não quiser ter que pagar o preço da manutenção, mude para um Passat."

Fernanda Young

Saturday, October 31, 2009

23 Things I Know For Sure!

1.What you put out comes back all the time, no matter what.

2. You define your own life. Don't let other people write your script.

3. Whatever someone did to you in the past has no power over the present. Only you give it power.

4. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.

5. Worrying is wasted time. Use the same energy for doing something about whatever worries you.

6. What you believe has more power than what you dream or wish or hope for. You become what you believe.

7. If the only prayer you ever say is thank you, that will be enough.

8. The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give.

9. Failure is a signpost to turn you in another direction.

10. If you make a choice that goes against what everyone else thinks, the world will not fall apart.

11. Trust your instincts. Intuition doesn't lie.

12. Love yourself and then learn to extend that love to others in every encounter.

13. Let passion drive your profession.

14. Find a way to get paid for doing what you love. Then every paycheck will be a bonus.

15. Love doesn't hurt. It feels really good.

16. Every day brings a chance to start over.

17. Being a mother is the hardest job on earth. Women everywhere must declare it so.

18. Doubt means don't. Don't move. Don't answer. Don't rush forward.

19. When you don't know what to do, get still. The answer will come.

20. "Trouble don't last always."

21.Hopeless emptiness.Plenty of people are onto the emptiness, but it takes real guts to see the hopelessness. "

22. You know what's so good about the truth? Everyone knows what it is however long they've lived without it. No one forgets the truth, they just get better at lying.

23. If i eat that delicious peace of chocolate cake that is in this picture it will be a moment on the lips, a lifetime on your hips and thighs and bubbies