...stroll down amnesia lane...~

“No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.”
“And only in their dreams can men be truly free It was always thus and always thus will be.”

Morgaine you must strive to find your own voice. Because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all. Thoreau said, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation." Don't be resigned to that. Break out!~
This is a battle, a war, and the casualties could be your hearts and souls
Now we all have a great need for acceptance, but you must trust that your beliefs are unique, your own, even though others may think them odd or unpopular, even though the herd may go, "that's baaaaad.

~ Tho much is taken, much abides; and tho We are not now that strength which in old days Moved Earth and Heaven, that which we are, we are; One equal temper of heroic hearts, Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.~ John Keating
We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?~ John Keating

De Ninã a Mujer

Eras niña de largas risadas
y ya me querías bien
tu mirada buscaba la mía
jugabas a ser mujer
Pocos años ganados al tiempo
vestidos con otra piel
y mi vida que nada esperaba
también te quería bien
te extrañaba yo tanto
que al no verte a mi lado
ya soñaba con volverte a ver
y entre tanto te estaba inventando
de niña a mujer
y esa niña de largos silencios
volaba tan alto que
mi mirada quería alcanzarla
y no la podía ver
la paraba en el tiempo pensando
que no debería crecer
Pero el tiempo me estaba engañando
mi niña se hacía mujer
La quería yo tanto
que al partir de mi lado
ya sabía que la hiba perder
y es que el alma les estaba cambiando
de niña a mujer
La quería yo tanto
que al partir de mi lado
ya sabía que la hiba perder
y es que el alma le estaba cambiando
de niña a mujer

Daydream....i fell asleep beneath the flowers, for a couple of hours

I miss your smell and your style
And your pure abiding way
Miss your approach to life
And your body in the bed
Miss your take on anything
And the music you play (and you're rolling of the eye when u listen to my music)
Miss cracking up and wrestling
Our debriefs at end of day or in the middle of the night, when a thought occures

These are the things that I miss
These are not times for the weak of heart
These are the days of raw despondence

I miss your neck and your gait
And your sharing what you write (your voice when you read out loud)
Miss you walking through the front door, you're so tall and handsome
Documents in ine hand, smooties on the other
Miss traveling our traveling, driving along the beach side
And your fun and charming ways....your dimples when you smil

These are the things that I miss
These are not times for the weak of heart
These are the days of raw despondence

Waiting To Exhale

What i want to my words to mean to you...
Some things are just too private to share with others, no matter how intimate you might be with them. Especially if the things that are inside of you are what you're trying to get away from.
You don't come out and say it to me. But i know your daemons sometimes try you and and stand in your way, they cloud the window to your soul.
But unless you approach me with the subject, its not in my place to give you advice or try to council...But i love you and i know sometimes you feel tormented and lost and lonely.

But let me say this if you feel fear, maybe a part of you is breaking free and developing new strength.
Maybe its time to let the old go and accept the new.
If i told you that i personally believe that it it might help to use the fabric of your own life to create authenticity for the emotional complexities you want to talk about. I say this because i know that different parts of us are highlighted dependent on the circumstances we are in and the people that we are with.
That’s why some people turn to books and music and movies or some kind of art as a purpose of communicating or the belief that through communication there can be some kind of healing. As if the idea of fiction is to take the truth, emotional truth and manipulate them so that they can tell a story, and hopefully a story that you can relate to and have answers to.
Can i as you this at the risk of sounding too intrusive...? Are there things inside of you you haven't pulled out and accepted yet?
Are you trying to protect yourself from things that are happening around you. It feels like you want to accept some new things but are afraid of being hurt, and thus you can sometimes attack and get your back up instead of just accepting. I hope i'm helping...its not meant to be intrusive.
You said you had a dream about snakes...It seamed to affect you, disturb your balance. I don't know what to say. Freud say to dream of a snake is to dream of yourself. if the snake turns and bites you it is supposed to be good...a self revelation. What do you think?
But you know from what i have learned and from what i know about you, it can just mean that spiritually it can stimulate greater perception of how to apply your insight and intuition. Your own vision and intuition will become more accurate. I know. You will be able to swallow and digest whatever you take in. Weather the storm as you've always done.
You haven't reached your peake i know, you are God's child and you're blessed with more then you know. You will eventually always adapt to what agrees with what you're thinking. That’s how our mind is built, that's how we maintain sanity.
That’s part of the game. Being able to access who you are and to be able to express yourself and to be able to be in touch with who you are.
Something Big is coming...and its just waiting to exhale.

Maya Angelou * Beautiful Soul ; Beautiful Human

I wish that i could she throught her eyes and have her wisdom. Her soft mellow voice her beliefs her virtues, her confidence in the human condicion and her ability to see beauty inspite of the beast in us sometimes....Her power to move the soul in transports of delight. I wish that i could have a conversation with her...i'm sure she would be a person who would for certain help me find my secret soul, that missing link.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from her :

"I don't know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, 'well, if I'd known better I'd have done better,' that's all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, 'I'm sorry,' and then you say to yourself, 'I'm sorry.' If we all hold on to the mistake, we can't see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can't see what we're capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one's own self. I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you. When a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too sexual or too asexual, that's rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don't have that we never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we should never teach."
-- Maya Angelou"

"Prejudice is a burden that confuses the past, threatens the future and renders the present inaccessible."

"Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it."

What Should We Be If We Could?

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

This is a profound question, "What should we be?" Should we be aggressive and ambitious, or compassionate and passive? Should we be a little of both? Or maybe something completely different from aggression, ambition, compassion, and passivity? Can we ever be what we should be, even if that involves being what we can't be? Or could it be that we can't be what we should be, simply because we shouldn't be what we couldn't be?

Or maybe "should" and "could" should be banned from the English language!

Should and could do nothing but cloud our eyes. With their false promises, they prevent us from seeing reality. Actually, they are escapes from reality, because they place our minds in a fantasy world of images from the past and projections of the future so that we have no chance of ever seeing the facts as they present themselves moment to moment.

I remember my mother telling me that I should be more careful. When she told me that, an image of myself being careful would flash in my mind, and presto-chango; I no longer saw my carelessness! All I saw was an image of a would-be, careful kid. I could ignore my actual carelessness and replace it with only an image of the opposite; my being careful, which was a false image.

Substituting our false images for what is real is what we do all the time. If we are cowardly, we project an image of what it would be like if we were brave, and suddenly, like magic, we are brave. But not really. In reality, we are still cowards; we just imagine that we're not.

Imaging and dreaming is not so bad if it wasn't for the fact that imaging and dreaming take up brain space. I think we do this on purpose - taking up consciousness with imagining and dreaming about what should be, because then we don't have to face what really is; we don't have to face reality, and when we don't face reality, we never have to change.

This clever trick we play on ourselves we do endlessly, because we resist change. We fight change when we don't pay attention to our real actions, and instead pay more attention to our hopes and dreams. If we can project ourselves into a better state, why go to the trouble of actually changing?

This fact that we substitute ideals in place of reality means that we live in a dream world of illusion. It also means that all goals and aspirations are based on these same fictions of the imagination. Therefore, when a goal is achieved, is it realty... or fiction? If goals are dreams, then achieved goals must be fiction, which means that all goals are fantasies, pursued by a fantasy. Achieved goals are never final, as in, "There, I have achieved, and now I'm finished." All of our goals are quickly replaced by other goals.

Nothing approaching truth or reality, opposed to fantasy, can change, and therefore the truth of the matter is that we are ourselves fantasies, and that is the reason we are so comfortable with ideals rather than the realty of what is each moment. Fantasy is comfortable with fantasy.

Our "self" is a fantasy. Our self is created by chemical and electrical stimulations in our brains creating memory and thought that cycle back and forth to create a "watcher." This is obvious with a little meditation. The basis of that fantasy "self" however, is reality, but we cannot see through to that reality because of the shroud of should and could. We "should" be able to see; and therefore we attempt all kinds of spiritual practices in order to see and be aware, but we remain snug as a bug in our fantasies and fabrications of ourselves because we don't really want to tear the illusions down.

If we would accidentally tear it down, which means that we remain within reality instead of escaping into a fantasy world of illusions, we think that we would have nothing left, or at least that is our idea of what our experience would be. The reality of the experience, however, is quite different from this. Upon tearing down this facade of "self," and going through that door of emptiness that presents itself as the epiphany of no-self, the exact opposite of having nothing left appears, which means suddenly; we have everything!

This everything, however, is not the everything that we are familiar with. This is nothingness. This is the nothingness that witnesses the truth of our not being, the truth of our non-existence. The Buddha described it as; the flame is blown out.

Scary stuff for the fantasy self, but "everything" for the reality that you truly are. So what should we be?... Absolutely nothing.

Have you looked within lately...?

"Understanding oneself, one's drives, one's emotions, the way in which one's mind works, is the minimum requirement for successful relationships. Without this understanding of oneself, without taking the time to learn about oneself, relationships can be merely a tug of war between two independent egos, instead of a coming together."


This is what i read this morning on an article on a magazine while i was waiting on my favorite past time : Going to the dentist!

Im so tired of not getting it right and i sure as hell am to lazy to go out and hire an enlightened guru or a spiritual guide.
I know they say its a simple matter of observing yourself, right here, right now. Within your body and mind is everything you need to find your deeper self. Actually,as they say, all things of the universe are right here, within you, represented by your physical aspects, your consciousness, your feelings, your perceptions (labeling) and your thoughts.

Only when we become shrewd enough to see beyond our labeling; which is the outward appearance of things based on our past memories, can we penetrate into our self - which is the one who is shrewd, the one who labels, the one who holds such strong opinions, and the one who loves and hates. Only then do we come to an understanding about everything in the universe, including our bodies and minds. Only then do we understand that they are innocent and cause no problems whatsoever. And only then do we understand that they all have the same characteristics; namely that they all change, that none of them have a "self" standing behind their obvious appearances, and that it is only our perceptions of our own "self" that cause our stress.

What Lies Beneath Our Consciousness?

Below our conscious mind is a stream of subconscious, emotional activity. Arise thoughts and drives that are embedded in our personalities and consciousness from time long past, and it is here that we can discover why we feel good, why we feel bad, or why we feel indifferent.

As this emotional subconscious bubbles up to the surface, we become ensnared in its power to pull us in certain directions. We might be extraordinarily attracted to something or someone for no apparent reason, and can no more disregard the attraction than we can go against our very nature. Our subconscious is what we are.

If we are not what we want to be; for example if we are greedy or hateful and want to change, then we must make that change at the subconscious level. Doing it on the surface would only be pretending that we are something that we are not, and we cannot sustain that kind of deception for long. Even when we are good enough actors to pull off pretending that we are someone other than who we really are, it is only a matter of time before the old underlying consciousness raises its ugly head.

And this is where it gets dicey . . . trying to change our patterns and rooted believes. Since how we behave and act is a result of our habit patterns, changing it is not easy. Changing our karma means going against what we perceive is the natural road for us; our comfort zone. If we are comfortable just looking out for ourselves and disregarding the needs of others, then to change that attitude is almost impossible. We will probably remain self-centered our entire lifetime.

The reason we do not change our ways is because our mind justifies what we are, whatever that may be. Even a criminal believes that he or she is right in their actions against a society that they may believe is unjust in some way toward them. Whatever we do, the mind will follow that action with thoughts, or precede that action with thoughts that support and justify our karmic patterns . . . a circular trap that is difficult to find one's way out of, because we never believe in our heart that we should find our way out. As far as the mind is concerned, we are doing the right thing at all times, even if it is the wrong thing.