Its Not The Circumstances, Its You!

Imagine what your life would be like if you stopped blaming your circumstances on other people and things and took responsibility of your own life. Mike Robbins gives you the tools you need to take control of your life and become more aware of your experiences.



I recently read a great quote from Ben Franklin that I hadn't seen before. He said, "Joy doesn't exist in the world, it exists in us." While the quote was new to me, the concept wasn't. However, as I began to think it more, I realized that even though I "understand" this wisdom and do my best to live by it and remind others of it, more often than I'd like to admit, I find myself living as though I'm simply a victim of the things that go on around me and in the world—especially the stuff I don't particularly like, agree with, understand, feel like I'm on top of or enjoy.

The circumstances of our lives, especially when they seem stressful or intense (as is the case for many people I know and work with these days), do have an impact on us, for sure. However, all too often, we give away our power to these circumstances and situations. We act as though it's a foregone conclusion that we will feel a certain way, based on specific circumstances like the economy, the weather, our health, our level of activity, the state of our romantic relationship or lack thereof, the behavior of our children, our families, the state of our career or business or our environment at work.

Our experience of life (grateful, worried, peaceful, angry, excited, sad, alive, depressed, joyous or anything else) is much more of a reflection of us and what's going on within us, not a reaction to what's going on around us. We've all had many times in our lives when things were going great on the surface or we accomplished or experienced some wonderful external success, only to feel a sense of disappointment or sadness underneath because whatever it was didn't satisfy us at a deep level. And, on the flip side, most of us have had moments of incredible joy, excitement and bliss that weren't directly connected to anything worthy of these feelings externally.

Even though we know this dynamic to be true, we still seem to get caught in the hypnotic, erroneous notion that if we just got rid of some issues, altered some circumstances, manifested some increased success or changed some specific situations in our lives, then, we'd be happy, peaceful and relaxed (or whatever it is we say we want to experience).

Author and spiritual teacher Byron Katie says: "The definition of insanity is thinking that you need something you don't have. The mere fact that you exist right now without that which you think you need is proof that you don't need it."

The Secret Garden

If you were ever to ask me whats the one thing that i would want to tell you, but would never dare. I could say it today. Not to you of course, but here in my blog.
I let you into my heart, into the deep end of my soul. I let you invade my spirit and bring out the best that i have in me.

I let you in my mouth, the words you said were so right
I let you deep inside. But there's a secret garden i hide. A secret wish.

I let you into the parts of myself That have brough you doubt and uncertainty.
I let you in my wounded heart you had the right hammer and vise
But into my secret garden, i havent.
Youve gone a million miles. How far did you get
To that place where you can't remember, and you can't forget
But i'll lead you down a path, therell be tenderness in the air
íll let you come just far enough so you know im really there
i'll look at you and smile and my eyes will say, i've got a secret garden
Where everything you want, Where everything you need Will always stay
A million miles away because you wont let me love you, you cant bring yourself to love me.
You didnt ask for this, i dont know if you ever wanted it. I gave it unconditionally and voluntarely.
But you and me, its not a chase, its not the chase. It is not the thrill of the chase. It's not a game. It's… it's my tiny ineffectual fists. And your smell.The smell of your skin after you showers. And you're very, very ballsy. It keeps me in line.
But i want more. I want to know the feeling of what it is to be loved by you. I want the chance to feel what the woman you once loved felt. I want t o feel the touch of a person who loves me. And that person has to be you. I want to know what it feels like for you to watch me sleep. Or to look at me when i'm not watching.
Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. And i know there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross.
You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.
At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away. If you let them.
I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.
Intimacy is a four syllable word for, "Here's my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy." It's both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with, and impossible to live without. Intimacy also comes attached to the three R's... relatives, romance, and roommates. There are some things you can't escape. And other things you just don't want to know.
I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of guide to tell you when you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming, and I don't know how you fit it on a map. You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. And as for rules, maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define for yourself.
Okay, here it is, the truth... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure you have your reasons and i can respect that you think that they are valid. But I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.
And i know thats the one thing i cant ask of you. You've said it to me "U cant ask someone to pick them, it doesnt work that way". But you could give it a try, you could believe in it.
Thats my secret garden...where everything you need and everything you want seams to be a million miles away from me.

Get Over Your Negative Mind-set

Guilt and negativity are unresolved issues in the mind. They come from the past; they can be deep or shallow; they may be trying to tell you something or could be little more than pain. You cannot get rid of such feelings by stopping them or plucking them out the way you'd take a rock out of your shoe.
I found this article online. Makes sense i wonder how hard it is to put it to practice.

Any negativity in the mind must be worked through.

You face the negativity without shrinking or cringing.
You listen to what the negativity wants to tell you. You assess what you hear.
You get to the stage where you understand and at the same time feel what is inside you.
You send the negativity away and resolve it.
You atone with others as needed.
You celebrate and accept a self that no longer needs this particular bit of negativity.
All these stages involve one thing: Self-awareness. Right now, you are aware of being in pain. You are playing the role of the patient, and what we want is for you to learn the role of the physician. Self-inflicted hurt can be self-healed (this isn't discounting outside helpers, but studies indicate that 75 percent of positive change is self-help).

The big difference between the patient and the doctor is objectivity. Instead of focusing on how guilty you are and how much you deserve your pain, stand back and be objective. If a good friend came to you with the same guilt you feel right now, what would you tell your friend to do? Don't aim in the dark. Don't offer a big answer to make your friend go away. Be the doctor, and go through the checklist given above. There is something to do at every level.

There is no one-size-fits-all solution here. You will need to return to each step until your issues are resolved. This requires patience and serious attention. But I can assure you that unbearable pain can be lessened and submits to healing intentions. You are more than your hurt. You have a core self that is free from guilt and wants to help you get rid of your psychological burdens. Finding that core self and accepting its help is the point behind each step I have outlined. With that vision in mind, you can make progress day by day.

One final thought: I wouldn't jump into atonement with your children or people close to you until you feel that you have made significant progress on your own. Thrashing out your guilt with the ones who have grudges against you is rarely a good thing. It often reopens old wounds. Use atonement at a later stage when you feel stronger and more healed. Self-forgiveness always comes first.

I liked it!

Crossing the Bridge That May Not Be Built

In doing a lot of thinking on a constant basis I cannot think of a time when I have been totally content with how life has worked itself out thus far. I can’t help but thinking that I should live more in the “now”. All too often have many of us dreamed of the future and whether our futures look as we had hoped or not, we look back and wish we had thoroughly lived in the moments and been content with the life that we had during our journey. I keep thinking that God wants to show me something, teach me something or invite me to grow through the desert I am in currently. Each time I go through a struggle or distress all I can think about is what the green fields and soft streams will look like when I come out of the desert. I have never been extremely focus driven and in most situations and i know its mostky because i have always had a tendency to get stuck in my emotional waves, ups and downs to realize how that has jeoperdized me. I can’t help but wonder how can I start learning from today and looking forward to tomorrow instead of rushing through today and dreaming of tomorrow. Because, what if tomorrow never comes? What if God’s plan is for my journey to never end and my ideas of the destination don’t actually exist? How can I love the people around me, leave a legacy and grow while I am living today? To tell the truth I don’t know if I have the answers to any of those questions yet, but I do know I am going to try and seek God more on these topics. Is pursuit of a passion a worthless cause? Ok, that may sound and come off as philosophical, but I can’t help it, it’s within me to be philosophical I guess.

With all of my questioning at some point I need to come to some conclusions or answers. I have concluded that right now is not the day for those answers. Until then I need to find a balance between what I need to be concerned with today and what things I need to trust God with. It is illogical to say that I should not be concerned with the things of tomorrow as most people would tell you. That’s like saying you shouldn’t think about grocery shopping today despite your food supply consisting 1 can of beats and nothing else, because tomorrow will worry about itself. I think at some level you do have to put logic that God gave us into your trust and guidance from God. So the question is when and how much. We all tend to lean all the way to the left in life or all the way to the right. We know we want and must live in the middle but there is somehow too much momentum when we try to equal out that only allows us to be centered for a short time. So my thoughts now are leaning on how to trust God, take initiative, continue pursuits, people I should invest in and how much of it is actually going to be done out of my hands. Meaning God actually is taking serious movement in my life. As I pursue my happiness everyday I learn more and more how success is gained by meeting the right people. Who are these people and if they exist where can I find them? because if I know those small details I can make this thing happen asap. Or, do I just feebly move forward and then hopefully one day God just makes it happen? As is probably evident I do not enjoy leaning on the later of my questioning. It seems really hard to find the balance of how of my thumb to stick up my butt and how much action I should take. So this post will not end on a cheerful or inspiring note but more of a note of questioning that prayerfully will have a post somewhere in the future that will have some answers. As always

Monster - Addiction

"... half the world have been created through intoxication " =D. That's a hilarious truth. Drink, create, then stop drinking before your liver pops.
Tragic lonelyness, no vulnerability. tragig pride.
You dont (at leat i dont) often think about this, maybe because its not healthy, maybe because its a dark place to go to, or maybe just because its hard to accept the fact that each and everyone one of us carry that inside of us. Wheather its fabricated by the issues we develope as we are growing up, or its something that that is born with us, and might sometimes come up, or might never show up.
The monster in us.The beast that is released in us. The insights into human nature and the insight or our human depravacy. I think that is why they are so resouding in their power. That beast that takes control over you and your senses and lets you find peace through some kind of adiction weather it be a quimical or emotional one.And you see these souls, lost souls carrying this monkey around their back, wich in the end is what it is. Because they are deluted into believing that it freeded them and gave them a sense of realease. A trick of the mind. I Think.
they say that any addiction is a search for union with oneness, with God. And i guess thats what we all are searching for.
People who are deeply damaged by their own genious or stress.
The Beast Inside Of Me.
What beholds in this body of mine Is an uncontrolable beast, to people its hard to find the beast is asleep while my mind is at peace but when my mind is at war, its unleashed.
It comes out very violently as my right mind waits until its done paciently
My body is intense and my mind is engaged into what its seems its dark and Im in a cage.
Fire is lit, and it burns a hole inside my true identity. For that, I am criticized for the wrong doings of me the beast goes away as time is expired smoke is gone, and no longer there’s fire.
I now try to stay in my right mind day to day because i know if I don’t the beast will come out to play
Time will tell when my mind is finally at rest. Its something I have to get through I guess. I am living with a beast inside of me thats likes to sometimes come out and play. But i cant let him. Because he doesnt know how to play. He only likes play when he knows he's gonna get to me. He only likes to play to pick on me, beause he knows how to trigger me. So i punish him, and keep him locked up. Untill he learns how o play without hurting me. His place is inside a deepdark hidden cave. I place i cant see, feel or hear him.