If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different....I'd rather be completely fucking mental.

When I get logical, and I don't trust my instincts - that's when I get in trouble.

If I didn't have my writting as an outlet for all the different sides of me, I would probably be locked up.

And barefoot or first thing in the morning, I feel beautiful. Because I feel like me. I didn't always feel that way, but I feel that way now. When somebody just loves you, and when you make somebody happy, when your presence seems to make them happy, you suddenly feel like the most beautiful person in the world.

I've been reckless, but I'm not a rebel without a cause.

I think all women go through periods where we hate this about ourselves, we don't like that. It's great to get to a place where you dismiss anything you're worried about. I find flaws attractive. I find scars attractive.

I like someone who is a little crazy but coming from a good place. I think scars are sexy because it means you made a mistake that led to a mess.

Where ever I am I always find myself looking out the window wishing I was somewhere else.

People say that you're going the wrong way when it's simply a way of your own.

Without pain, there would be no suffering, without suffering we would never learn from our mistakes. To make it right, pain and suffering is the key to all windows, without it, there is no way of life.

I'm extremely honest, and I pride myself on it. I don't try to be shocking. I'm playful, and I know when something I'm saying is maybe shocking, but it's just the truth, I never wanted to be scary to people or upsetting to people. I simply want to live the way I need to live.

If I make a fool of myself, who cares? I'm not frightened by anyone's perception of me.

What nourishes me also destroys me.

I don't believe in guilt, I believe in living on impulse as long as you never intentionally hurt another person, and don't judge people in your life. I think you should live completely free.

If you ask people what they've always wanted to do, most people haven't done it. That breaks my heart.

I love to put on lotion. Sometimes I'll watch TV and go into a lotion trance for an hour. I try to find brands that don't taste bad in case anyone wants to taste me.

I wish I could find people who just would fight me and break through to me and hold me down and scream their life into my face.

We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly... Only after we have lost everything, are we free to do anything... Throw things out there and not be perfect and not have answers to anything and see if people understand.

And even if we never talk again, please remember that I'm forever changed by who you are and what you meant to me.

I'm scared to move on because I'm worried that the second I'm happy with someone else, you'll pop up and ruin it. Ruin it by telling me that you want me, and that you're sorry, and that you like me "kinda a lot," and that you miss me "kinda a lot." I'm worried that I'll get so confused because I'll be so happy with him, but of course I'll still want you, and that will make me start crying all the time, end up losing the best relationship I ever had, just to have you get bored again and move onto some trashy girl. The worst part about all of this? I can see you doing it, because you want me hooked, you want me as an option, even if it is an option you'll never take.

Dear Person who caused me the most pain....

As I sit here looking at this picture of us, I wonder if there will ever
be a day when I will get over your smile. When I will let go of the hugs you gave me, a day that I continue to feel.
A day when I forget the words you said to me. Whatever happens to us, I know I could never get over, let go of, or forget about you.
I remember how tight i used to hold onto him, because i didnt know how long i was going to have him in my arms.

I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry if I can't get over you at all, no matter how hard I've tried. (well actually i really havent tried. I've blocked you out)
I'm sorry if I just think that liking some other guy will help, when I know it won't. I'm sorry I still try. I'm sorry I'm hurt. I'm sorry I'm broken.

Something in me, just won't let me get over you. I'm so far from it too. there's that big part of my heart sectioned off for you. You have it and it feels like you always will.
I know in the back of my mind that life would be so much easier if I never talk to you again. If I shut you out of my life and moved on, I could finally get over you. But you're the only thing that makes me happy, whether it's right or wrong and I don't have the strength to give up on that.

What do i wanna say?! want do i want my words to say to you? What would my letter be like?!
I picked the person who caused me the most pain to be you. I don't hate you.. as a matter of fact, it's quite the opposite. I love you with all my heart, even though you broke it. I love how most of these letters are going to be for you, when I hope that I look back when I'm done with these and realize how pathetic I'm being.
I want to be over you. Why? Why would I want to love someone who won't give me the time of day anymore? Sure, we're we could still keep in touch as friends, but i just cant do that with you. I've put away all your pictures and deleted all your messeges from my phone. I want to say I'm done. I really do. I want to delete you off those things and when you notice I did, I want you to ask my sisters why. Just so they could say this,
"she blocked you because, if it's not obvious enough, or if your just way too fucking stupid to realize, she's not over you yet. she wants to be so that's what she's gonna have to do. because you don't care for her anymore and she's trying to accept that. she loves you and she doesn't want too."

And today is a bad day...

Is there something I do that makes you not love me?

What's worse than wanting something you can't have?
It's not knowing what you want. Wishing on all the stars
in the sky for the answers to your questions, for something
to believe in... someone to hold. Having absolutely no
control over yourself, being caught up in a place you wish
you were miles away from. Being stuck somewhere between
the past and the future, nowhere near where you should
be - in the present. Stuck in yesterdays and tomorrows,
so far from home, far from everything you know and love.
The uncertainty could just tear you to bits

You Broke my heart!

Now i know i feel this way today...its been two months.
I wish you would just show up on my doorstep. Not with anything special, just you. And when I’d open the door, you’d smile. And while I'm trying to figure out what the hell you’re doing here, you’d tell me how hard the past months have been, how much you’ve thought about me, how much you regretted everything. And then you’d take me into your arms and ask me to forgive you, and I would without hesitation. Then you’d grab my face and kiss me the way you used to,
and everything would be perfect again.A dream of course...
We don't talk anymore. I just can't do it. I wouldn't the sound of your voice. It's like you gave me wings then told me it's illegal to fly.
And Moving on is a violent process. It means breaking up, burning a bridge between the two of you, andshattering a world you once knew so well.
There were times when he caught me, but more times when he let me fall. And it finally came time for me to learn that I could pick myself up off the ground and walk away.
Am I mad? After all we've been through, that's all you've to say? Mad for what? For breaking my heart, for shattering my dreams, for making me think you actually liked me too, Am i mad? Nope, just completely crushed and broken. I can't be mad at you.
And you've always been so good at moving forward that i know you wont notice what you're leaving behind.
And my mind just keeps on sending me thses annoying messeges constantly "If he acts like you're not worth his time maybe you're not what he wants.. you're just a replacement for what he can't have.
When I look around I think this is good enough and I try to laugh at whatever life brings because when I look down, I just miss all the good stuff and when I look up, I just trip over things.
Sometime i feel I like was only there when it was convenient for him. Like i was the gas station sitting there waiting to be visited. There were days when i hated him, and there were days when i was head over heels, too. But none of those days
mattered, because i could never have him no matter how hard i fell.
A broken heart is not what I wanted from this. But I guess I've learned from it(have i?!). But aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes? I don't consider this a mistake. I just wish the story didn't end this way. Cause I'm still in love with
the person who helped me write it

And in some way, I recognize that I will never be fully over you, and that part of me will always love you. But most of me understands that this doesn't work, and I need to move on to be happy.

This is for the Girl

this is for the girls that quit believing in love all because of one boy who tore their heart in half. this is for the girls who are afraid togive their hearts out; for some day you will find a boy worth giving it to.
she's afraid that after all this waiting, he'll end up with another girl. she's afraid of what hasn't happened yet. and most of all, she's afraid she'll never find someone who could compare to him.

You only find a few people in this world, a few people who will tell you they love you and mean it with all of their heart.Ddon't forget those people who stood by you through it all. Those special few that were there for you until the end.
Because words and hearts are the two things that should be handled with care cause if words are spoken and hearts are broken, they are the hardest things to repair.
And what scaresher the most is knowing that at any moment, you could rip her heart
out of her chest, tear it in pieces, throw it on the ground, then stomp all over it.. and she'd just pick it up, and hand it back to you.


she's one of those girls who doesn't know what she's doing, but she wants to know everything will
be worth it one day. she isn't amazing at one thing, just good at a lot of things, and that's all she'll ever be.
she wishes she could be different, but she lives her life to the fullest anyway. all she truly needs is love
to keep her sane. she looks at her world like it's a book, with pages being read everyday. she's
her own worst enemy and hardest critic. she knows she has flaws and tries to accept them, even
though she knows she never fully will. more than anything, though, she just wants to make a difference one day, and she wants someone
to remember her name.

Im breaking my heart tonight to see whats inside

love is almost like suicide. You give so much to that special someone.. that you
sometimes end up killing yourself inside.
And I'm tired of people saying he's not worth my tears. if he wasn't worth it, i wouldn't still be crying. you don't know it, but that boy changed my world. you'll never know how much he meant to me.

no one will ever really understand how the smile on her face turned into the tears
in her eyes. she said she was just upset,but she'll get over him soon. but no, she
knew it was because the one person she trusted, the one she gave her heart to,broke her. broke her into a million pieces, and now the most important one is missing.

What if i said that you never mattered? that i never lost one moment of sleep?
what if i crushed all your dreams? broke all the promises i swore to keep?
tell me how your life would be if i did to you what you did to me? You gav up on me. You stoped believing in me. You didnt think that i fit the standarts for your new desigh for life.
And i keep thinking about her and wha she meant to you and i start feeling my insignificance when compared to her...and yeah, i'm always on your mind,but only when she's off it. so maybe you think of me when times get rough.and when you're feeling extra lonely for some girls touch, but that's not enough.
And i i want you to look at me like you've never looked at anyone else. i want you
to look at me like i have something other girls don't.
I know im still in denial even tough i say i'm not in denial, i'm trying hard to let go. This is a mistake i'm just going to have to learn from. this situation had a lot morebad than good, and maybe i loved you more than i should.
So girl, holding on to the phone, holding on to this glass. holding on to the memoriesof what didn't last. waiting for better words, they'll never come. so dry
your eyes, it's better now it's done...

But the worst feeling isn't being lonely, but being forgotten by someone you couldnever forget. to look back and see how things used to be, knowing it'll never be
the same and realizing it doesn't matter to him at all because he doesn't miss a
thing. that's the worst feeling-
So this is a cross road.
I believe the most difficult situation you can ever be faced with is deciding
whether you should just move on or hold on a little tighter. move on and maybe you'll lose a chance at the best thing that could ever happened, or hold on and have the possibility of one day being the biggest disaster created-