Monday, March 14, 2011
After a certain point, a heart with so many stress fractures would never be anything but broken.
It's like he is driving a car, okay and I just wanna be in the passenger seat, but he's locked the door and I have to hold onto the bumper.You know, I'm not even asking for him to open the door for me, just leave it unlocked and say come in, but no he didn't do that, so I'm hanging on to the bumper and life goes on and the car goes on and I get really badly bruised and am hitting potholes and it hurts, I mean it hurts and yesterday I had to let go of the bumper because it hurts too much.... it hurts too much.
Remember when you use to think that this love was as good as it could get, and how even though it was painful it felt right. And there was always an explanation for the pain felt?!
I remember. Fear took a hold, fear made it home. Made it feel so comfortable that you would really convince yourself that in fact this was as good as it could get.
Its funny how conveniently you allow yourself to digest lies when you just don't want to feast up on the truth.
I need five minutes, i need a break. I need alone time.
Alone time is when I distance myself from the voices of the world so I can hear my own. And everyone is just gonna have to respect that. Im sorry if i heart your feelings and im sorry if im not emotionally available right now. Sorry...
Be yourself they say. What a cliché, we hear it over and over in literature, fairy tales, songs, but we still don't get it. It might be because we dream, we don't worry whether the dream is worthy of us, but if we're worthy of the dream. So we lose our identities in order to chase what we want, but if we can stay proud of who we are and not run from ourselves, then maybe your dreams, like a prince with a glass slipper, will come find us.
I dream a lot. All kinds of dreams. About water, about air, about a flat tire about so many things. And i know that all of these little messages are trying to bust out - If i only knew what the meant (Or do i??)
Things change, life happens.
And there is nothing like that first person you were so afraid to lose, the one person that changed your expectations and the one that you compare all the future people in your life to, because deep down inside you know that he was the one that set the standard for love. I say this because i believe that It’s not about who you’ve been with, it’s about who you end up with. Sometimes, the heart doesn’t know what it wants until it finds what it wants.
I found out what i want, and i found out what i need...i found love.