Thursday, October 21, 2010

I was born with an enormous need for affection,

There's no hard feelings there is no one to blame. Just two people who don't feel the same.
I didnt fight to stay because all you wanted for me to do was leave. I'm not going to miss s you when you don't miss me. I'm not gonna care when you don't care at all, I'm just not going to try at all. You kept my hopes up for much too long. It's about time they come crashing back down to earth.

Why did I do it? I guess because I was sick of you running in and out of my life without some kind of consequence. So here is your close line baby, I hope the fall hurts like hell.
I hated being put in that position. Of forcing myself to let go of the one person I needed in my life. You were the only thing that made sense, but at the same time, the one thing that complicated me. I know that I'm better off without you, but I feel empty when I tried to let go.
Want to know what it was like being in love with you? It was like taking me to the top of the highest mountain, showing me the entire world and telling me "This is everything you can't have".
Sometimes, no matter how long or hard you've loved someone, they'll never love you back. And sometimes, you have to be okay with that.
I hope you know that you were once the most important person in my life for a very long time. You were the guy I thought about while listening to all those songs, the one guy who made me actually look forward to waking up in the morning. You were the guy who could make or break me, who had my heart, but never bothered to do anything about it.
It's funny how we set qualifications for the right person to love when deep in your hearts we know that the person we truly love will always be an exception
I can't pretend anymore.
You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine.
Lightening doesn't often strike twice, it's a once in a lifetime thing. Even if it feels like the shock is coming over and over again. Eventually the pain will go away, the shock will wear off. And you start to heal yourself, to recover from something you never saw coming. But, sometimes the odds are in your favor. And you're just in the right place at just the right time and you can take a hell of a hit and still have a shot at surviving
You used to shine so bright, but I watched all of it fade.
It’s funny how you think you actually mean something to someone, and they just turn around and prove you wrong
When You grow to love someone letting them go is like losing a part of you. Whenver you must let go because it's what is best for you, you keep thinking of reasons to stick around.
If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.
And it has, and i feel lucky because i was so afraid that i would never be able to feel what it was like to love again, but i have and it feel like sunshine in caressing my skin again.
You will always be a part of my life because i grew up with you (though sometimes it was hard) but now its time to say goodbye to you.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Ten things i need to say...

10 things i really need to say..

1. fuck you all for leaving me.

2. fuck you for leading me on, because i care about you more than i've ever fucking cared about another person in my life. tell me what the fuck it is you want from me because i'd give you everything.

3. fuck you for pretending like you actually ever gave a shit about me. once i stopped making an effort, you all fucking disappeared. you never cared, so you can ease up on the fake bullshit now. i don't need any of you.

4. fuck you for being nothing but a complete hypocrite. you hate being left out the one time a month that actually happens? i don't recall the last fucking time you or anyone else invited me to go anywhere when you're all together. bitches. wanna know what i do every day? work. then i come home and sit by my fucking self all night. if that ever actually happens to you, then we can talk about what lonely feels like. until then, stfu.

5. fuck you for your judgmental, ignorant attitude. i will live my life the way i choose, thanks. your opinion is not needed and sure is hell, isn't wanted.

6. fuck you for watching me slowly wither away in pain and not doing a damn thing about it.

7. fuck you for making me unable to trust anymore.

8. fuck you for never noticing me. someday i'm going to show you what you missed.

9. fuck you for making me believe that i had finally found a best friend that wasn't going to walk away when i fucking needed you the most. i'm done with this guessing game bullshit. you want me in your life, you'll put me there. if not, then i'm done. but i will always fucking love you more than life itself, and i will always be here.

10. fuck you for turning me into this self conscious mess. you treated me like shit. you verbally abused me until i was at your feet begging for mercy. fuck you for turning me into someone i never wanted to be. i don't know how to undo the damage you've done to me.

i'm really sorry this is such an angry post. but i'm breaking down, and i don't know how to fix it. i don't want to hurt anymore. i've lost everything that meant anything to me

Thursday, October 7, 2010

For Morpheus

"I might be the only person on the face of the earth that knows you're the greatest woman on earth. I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, and how you are with Spencer, "Spence," and in every single thought that you have, and how you say what you mean, and how you almost always mean something that's all about being straight and good. I think most people miss that about you, and I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food, and clear their tables and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me"
* As good as it gets
Thats how Morpheus sees me and thats what he sees. He sees the beauty in me that i find hard to put a finger on. He spellbounds me with his words and his voice and his everything. I think im i love...
I dont know when he started shifting my thoughts towards him, i really dont. All i know is one day out of the blue, i woke up and for the first time HE was the one i was thinking about. And it started then and it hasnt stopped till this day.
Oh this state of ecstasy
Nothing but he could ever give to me this liberty, this feeling of the wind in my face.
And I’m giggling again for no reason
I am dancing with my friends in elation. I've taken adventures to new levels of fun
I can feel the bones are smiling in my body I can see the meltings of inhibition
This state of ecstasy I’m reeling jubilation Triumphant in delight
I am at home in this high five And I’m smiling for no reason
I could kiss a million guys and it still wouldn't mean as much as holding your hand.
So Morpheus, i dont think im in love...I KNOW IM IN LOVE AND ITS YOU!

I forgot about you!

My feelings just changed. I had been waiting for you to realize you couldn't go another day without me. I had played out every excuse you could of had for putting all that time between us. Missing you had become second nature to me. And somewhere between the pain you caused and your need to approach me again. When I never expected to hear from you I just stopped feeling like I needed you so much.
i let you go and i forgot. i forgot those late night conversations. i forgot how much i trusted you, how much i told you. i forgot how it felt to hug you. i forgot how much i talked to you, how much i talked about you. i forgot how much my writing was about you. i forgot all the songs i ended up relating to you. i forgot how, for some ridiculous reason, everything you said made me laugh. i forgot how good i felt when you were just in the room. i forgot how the chance of seeing you got me through the day. i forgot the stomach dropping feeling i got when my phone buzzed. i forgot how good i felt because of you. i forgot how i could be myself around you. i forgot being woken up early every morning by text messages. i forgot what it felt like to actually have the idea that i was good enough. i forgot how i imagined all kinds of awesome scenarios. i forgot how it felt to, maybe just maybe, want the one who wanted me back. i forgot all of your rants about your interests. i forgot all of your tastes in music. i forgot all the shows you watched. i forgot what time you'd usually text me. i forgot everything you told me that hurt me or made me happy. i forgot everything about you and you know what i came back to my memory ?! ME!