Friday, February 19, 2010

Crossing the Bridge That May Not Be Built

In doing a lot of thinking on a constant basis I cannot think of a time when I have been totally content with how life has worked itself out thus far. I can’t help but thinking that I should live more in the “now”. All too often have many of us dreamed of the future and whether our futures look as we had hoped or not, we look back and wish we had thoroughly lived in the moments and been content with the life that we had during our journey. I keep thinking that God wants to show me something, teach me something or invite me to grow through the desert I am in currently. Each time I go through a struggle or distress all I can think about is what the green fields and soft streams will look like when I come out of the desert. I have never been extremely focus driven and in most situations and i know its mostky because i have always had a tendency to get stuck in my emotional waves, ups and downs to realize how that has jeoperdized me. I can’t help but wonder how can I start learning from today and looking forward to tomorrow instead of rushing through today and dreaming of tomorrow. Because, what if tomorrow never comes? What if God’s plan is for my journey to never end and my ideas of the destination don’t actually exist? How can I love the people around me, leave a legacy and grow while I am living today? To tell the truth I don’t know if I have the answers to any of those questions yet, but I do know I am going to try and seek God more on these topics. Is pursuit of a passion a worthless cause? Ok, that may sound and come off as philosophical, but I can’t help it, it’s within me to be philosophical I guess.

With all of my questioning at some point I need to come to some conclusions or answers. I have concluded that right now is not the day for those answers. Until then I need to find a balance between what I need to be concerned with today and what things I need to trust God with. It is illogical to say that I should not be concerned with the things of tomorrow as most people would tell you. That’s like saying you shouldn’t think about grocery shopping today despite your food supply consisting 1 can of beats and nothing else, because tomorrow will worry about itself. I think at some level you do have to put logic that God gave us into your trust and guidance from God. So the question is when and how much. We all tend to lean all the way to the left in life or all the way to the right. We know we want and must live in the middle but there is somehow too much momentum when we try to equal out that only allows us to be centered for a short time. So my thoughts now are leaning on how to trust God, take initiative, continue pursuits, people I should invest in and how much of it is actually going to be done out of my hands. Meaning God actually is taking serious movement in my life. As I pursue my happiness everyday I learn more and more how success is gained by meeting the right people. Who are these people and if they exist where can I find them? because if I know those small details I can make this thing happen asap. Or, do I just feebly move forward and then hopefully one day God just makes it happen? As is probably evident I do not enjoy leaning on the later of my questioning. It seems really hard to find the balance of how of my thumb to stick up my butt and how much action I should take. So this post will not end on a cheerful or inspiring note but more of a note of questioning that prayerfully will have a post somewhere in the future that will have some answers. As always

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