Saturday, May 23, 2009

Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses...?

Silence please. I ask for a moment of silence so that i can center my world into me. Dont tell me about my flaws...i can't recall who left me this way. I just want to linger on a pause that cant last for as long as i need it to last.
So be silent those who know, and speak not those who dont. And in case you din't quite understand my intention, i'll say it again. Because today i'm going to think out loud through this pages about what has became of this girl that i once knew with an easy laugh and a joyfull spirit.
That girl. The one that i still have spasams of memory of when she was wild and free and almost an accident waiting to happen or a piece of glass left there on the beach.
What happend to the girl that would tell you things that you knew she was not suppose to and then would just leave you out of reach.
That presence that you could feel in the room, the one that everyone wanted to gravitate to.
But was that really me? Or was i just putting a front to be pleasent and creating this mask of irreverancy just to impress? Or dazzel them with my extensive knowledge of mineral water,or my in-dept analysis of, uh, uh maxi pads and lip gloss?
Its a b**tch to grow up i'll tell you. Is been a road of investment,its been like one foot out, one foot in...some days off???
Yeah its been a long hoal of restraining of trying to create a personna just for the viewing pleasent. How did i invest in such a fantasy?
I don't know. have no reasonable explanation, but i can write a detailed log on how it wore out my nervous system.I felt done. I felt that there was something there i hadn't gotten yet. I thought to myself "There's something to learn here that i have not". Something is not quite right. Why was i hovering above bottom thinking i can't servive whats below?! But you know what? I dont need no one to ride my wild horses. I've put them to rest and i'm ok with it. You know why? because the think that i know is that the only thing that i have to be is MYSELF!
So There's no point to any of this. It's all just a... a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes. So I take pleasure in the details. You know... a quarter-pounder with cheese, those are good, the sky about ten minutes before it starts to rain, the moment where your laughter becomes a cackle... and I sit back and indulge on it all. But - Don't get me wrong just yet! i know its a bi**tch to grow up, but yet yu learn to set bounderies. There will be no secret handshake or sands of cool. There's not secret handshake. There is an IQ pre-requisite.Oh yeah!! So enough of the guy with the hat and the bells, you know...the Court Jester. Yeah because everything is so easy to laugh at when your at a safe distance isn't it? Oh The hole bravata of it!
So From now on :
At the beep, please leave your name, number and a brief justification of the ontological necessity of modern man's existential dilemma and we'll get back to you.

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