Thursday, January 21, 2010
Setting the Boundaries....
In the end, if you really think about it, it all boils down to you striving to reconcile your longing for the lost bliss of oneness with your equally intense desire for separateness.
Me, my mind personally, deals with these two conflicting needs by the making and unmaking of boundaries (when i see conviniente, of course)– And the thing is that i've noticed and i know its not the "Eurika" moment, that our mental structures increase in number and complexity, as we experience other people and develop our own mental capacities.
Our memories, experiences, thoughts, emotions, sensations, associations and impulses – into the inner identity we call the Self, enabling us to distinguish our thoughts and feelings, our minds and emotions, from those of others. And while they occupy a territory of mental rather than physical geography, they’re no less real than a wall, a fence, or a border.
Boundaries are how the Self knows who it is and who it isn’t. They determine not only where I end and You begin, but the space between us. Boundaries are central to how we make sense of life, how we deal with the dilemma of being human - the self-in-relation dilemma - which is to be close and connected to others and also to maintain our autonomy and independence.
While faulty inner boundaries are typically involved in certain personality disorders, especially borderline, problems with interpersonal boundaries are frequently at the root of relationship difficulties – between parents and children, spouses, partners, friends, and professional colleagues.
Boundaries are key to how we deal with intimacy, loneliness, conflict, anxiety, stress and challenge at every stage of life. They are integral to how our identity is constructed; because they are so central to the development of our personalities, to how we think and feel about ourselves and how others experience us – our inner, as well as our shared reality – they provide a special lens through which we can perceive not only what and who but also why we are.