Love and me....

I Love really hard. I've loved hard and most of the time i haven't been loved in return.

The way that i love makes my weak. Takes away my power, makes me unactracttive

The way that i have loved gives definitions of me that are far from the reality of what i am.

I overfunction and i hear my doubts selectively.

I can't even blame anyone, because the truth is that no one's been crueller than I've been to me.

I've let them always decide if indeed i'm desirable and let my selflove be so embarrassingly conditional.

I've tried to fit a rectangle into a ball. And blamed myself for their unhappiness, expected to be where they wanted me to be.

So to who do i owe this apoligie? I'm sorry to myself for treating me worse then i would treat anyone.

For ignoring my voices when i should have listened carefully, For being so disassociated from my body,And for not letting go when it would've been the kindest thing.

Its hard to admit this but its true. I have been cruel to myself and have always conditioned by someone elses aproval.