I was pregnant with words a while ago and my mind had all these ideas but i couldn’t get them in order and i couldn’t get a relief. I had all these thoughts in my mind and i was scared of getting involved with them and getting deep into them. I still am a little bit, But i'm much better now.
So i started to read self help books. I read and read them to exhaustion. I was overwhelmed with so much information i couldn’t believe what they were saying in those books. It was like they were talking directly at me and had found my every single deep dark ghost in me. Telling my whole life in every page. Like Roberta Flack said " Strumming my pain with their words"
But that was the beginning and my mind was empty of thought and logic and reason, so those books where literally quenching my thirst with all the information and giving me logical answering to all my doubts and justification for my behavior and certain actions.
I have always sense a very young age been interested in human behavior and what makes people do what they do and what makes people tick and have always been curious about peoples minds and how they think and how their method of construction ideas in their minds worked. I was fascinated with certain quotes and phrases that i would hear in interviews.
I wanted to be able to think like them and have all the rich vocabulary that they, how easily they would construct phrases and play with words. To me that as music to my ears. And i learned so much from just listening and reading these people talk.
Even tough the self help book help me a lot it got to a point were they all said the same think and they all had nothing knew to surprise me with.
I mean when the books where good. They would tackle the subjects thirly and they would detail every symptom to a perfection. But i still felt like there was something missing, i felt that even though they were giving me great explanations to most of my issues they were not giving me what i really needed : solutions to my problems. They could define so perfectly everything but when it came to giving me solutions, the ones that they were giving were not satisfying me.
Do these days i go online and search for all the information that i can get about all the great minds that have ever existed to this day. From all types of people.
Journalists, politicians, musicians and actors (not celebrities, but artists that understood their craft) all these people with great minds that had gone through so many trial and tribulations and had a story to tell, and tell it in a way that would inspire you to do better and to be better.
Like Anthony Hopkins said "Be Bold And Mighty Forces Will Come To Your Aid" or Denzel Washington who said "This is my life ,everything else is just making a living. If i get away from that idea, i get lost. Anyone with a spiritual base understand humility"
or Toni Morrison who said " As you enter positions of trust and power, dream a little before you think."
And these people and so many others have had such a great impact in forming my senses
and realizing the potential that i have to make things happen for me. Or barbra Streisand that said "with a strong sense of self there is also deep insecurity". And what she meant by that is don’t get fooled by something as easy as just a strong sense of self. i was never really shaped by parents that thought me certain things. i didn’t know the rules and i think that in a sense it helped me .I didn’t know that you where not suppose to do certain things or say certain things. So if u feel that there is something that u understand you have to have the confidence to believe that and say it, act up on it, whatever it is. Do. it, make it happen. U feel it you see it you say it you do it u make it happen.
I do believe that imagination and belief really manifest reality. Perception creates reality. Thought transcends matter. The power of thought. I think the outside world mirrors what is within you. Like the times that i feel really good or look really good there is always someone coming to me to say " hey u look really good"! If I don’t like the way i look or feel bad about myself, it will as well come out. So what is that, the power that is within you, somehow premiates into the world around you. You're seen as you see yourself, in other words. What comes from the heart goes to the heart.
So I feel moved and challenged and provoked by these people that have such eloquence with word and chose it wisely. And it stays with me i don’t know exactly how its affected me in terms of it making me a better person. But i do feel that its possible to be changed by being with company like that and by change, i mean you go on and you take that with you and it affect your response to things and your memory of things, how you engage to things. I know that i have been affect and exited and inspired my a person that has shown me their full humanity. I couldn’t say easily what its made me, but i like the fact that it has changed me. Any thing that provokes thought emotion and if that can happen in me to a degree where it can move my spirit. Its something very powerful. And its something innate in us we want that change we want to go through things that can move us and provoke us to a point where we can see that we are still under construction and there is still work to be done.
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