Wednesday, October 7, 2009
The Grey Areas
"Ana..., when are you leaving?" asks my dearest Sagittarius without even realizing that its the most dreadful question he can ask of me when i come over.
Its as if he's archer is pointed right at my heart and i can feel its way into it.
He says i leave all of my stuff all my issues and thoughts that i don't want to share in the grey area. I display nothing in black and white. Everything is unclear and misty and i live around that grey area hiding away in it. And so i bottle it all up and it ends up coming out of me at the most inopportune times...
I can't make him see that its not planed, i dont do it as a trick or a tool to control him. I do it just plain and simple out of fear. I'm afraid you quit on me, that there is no corner you could squeeze me. And the space between leaves a grey area to keep me safe from the pain. Ok i'll admit it.
When it comes to you i am the weakest i have no power or control over anything i do or say. Thats the reality, not my reality, but the reality im facing, as they say; reality cannot be analyzed or intellectualized it can only be encountered in awarekess and awareness and im not there yet!
We are defined by what we desire, and how we get what we want and how happy we are with what we have. Grey Area is a self-portrait based on levels of wanting, getting and having...recorded hourly over a period of 24 days. The collected data determines the outcome of the final image. Does rasterizing the psyche make the individual appear more discrete, or more generic? hum...that i don't know where it from WTF??!!
Where do I begin?
Well want i wanted to say is that when you come out at me sometimes, the way you do, regardless if you;re right or wrong. Well you leave my heart empty as a vacant lot, for any spirit to haunt.