Sunday, November 29, 2009

The Dark Side Of The Moon

I'm not in the mood to serenade sorrow, I'm not here for that, its not me anymore.
There was a time that I could get by but this was once upon a lie.
This riht here is a dialogue with my mind,a much needed conversation:

I'm not sure what worries me more, The fact that I'm talking to a wall
Or that the wall keeps answering me,saying that I've heard it all before.
Never underestimate how complicated a simple life can be.

You've gotta keep it together.You've gotta keep it together so I can fall apart

I know you've grown tired of trying to feed me and I know by now my reputation precedes me.
I know you've grown tired of trying to fix me but i also know by now my best years, they are yet tocome.

But right now, i'm in a dark place and i can't figure out how to reach the light.
Maybe i started messing with what i shouldn't have. But you didn't worn me, you didnt give me the signal that i wasn't read to take it in. Why would you do that to me? Remember when we read somewhere "when you're ready the teachers will appear"?!
Well maybe i wasn't ready. But you thought that you could teach me a lesson and just throw me out there into the limb. Is it because you know me so well,you think that its the only way that i get things movin?

But regardless, i still think that i've been messing where i shouldnt be messing and now i fell into the dark and i know that 'm going to have to stay here untill i get it fixed in order to find the light. Your've forced me into this, you set me up for it and now i have no choise but to deal with it.

I didnt know i hadso much pain inside of me and now i feel all its heavy burden weight on me.
My pain reaches beyond the physical realm, its the kind of deep pain that can only be found in your heart.

Anything that is so explosive and tender, so passionate and deep, so simple and yet so complex is going to leave behind a mark; and it's going to hurt. It's a powerful thing and when you go and touch on a wound that you toke for granted or didnt take serious it affects everything that you are. Because it was always from the beginning a serious thing to recon with, you just didnt wnat to recon with it. Pure and simple.
there are certain things in my life that I must take care of, so I can't act on alot of other things before i handle these other things, believe it or not.

It hurts to hold yourself back when all you want to do is let go but,certain beliefs would just be too harmful to yourself if you just try to ignore them. It is unfortunate that in this world love isn't the only thing that matters, it is hard but there are other things to consider before you get yourself out there exposed. You need to establish what is most important to you so that if ever you fall in the darkness you don't lose yourself in the emotion. You don't lose who you are. Know what you believe and what you want and don't waver from that. At the time it may seem stupid and one of the hardest things you've ever had to do but in the end you won't regret keeping your standards.

I know,i know, but right now while i dwell in the dark, there is this constant state of insecurity, sadness and fear. I feel lost and i cant help myself.
I wish i could recover the dignity that i let go in replacement of things that i though were importante to me.I feel guilty for allowing myself to fall for that. I wish i had been more aware, more protective of my spirit and my soul. But i wasn't.
I spent too much time acting on fear and fear has left a holein me that i gotta find a cure for. I dont want to be in this dark side of the moon.

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