I am no expert on men. By no means...Actually its quite the oppisite. When it comes to men, and i'm in love, its sad to say i'm very vulnerable and submissive.
But i can say i learned a lot, or actually what i have learned i learned it the hard way through some pretty intense things i went through in past relationships.
So i can say thats in certain areas, when it comes to relationhps i have some expert advice to give to a friend in need.
So yesterday i had to make a home visit to a friend in need. (i told her that home calls were more expensive, and it was gonna cost her, specially because it was poring rain!).
So, here is the deal. My friend in need is in a relacionship white a man that is not that into her, but not because he doesnt care about. But because he's in a point of his life were he can't handle her right now. He's just can't be into her emotionally.
Its all fine, but the problem is that this friend in need, she is really in need and she's all emotionally into him, so she has all good the good intentions, but is doing in in all the wrong ways...She's pushing him away, when she should be pulling him in. But she doesn't know how to, because she's blinded by her needs and insecurities and desperation and special that fear of being alone,and being convinced that this is her last chance to be happy and of course, that he is the one who is going to to that for her. WRONG!!!!
Nothing on this planet can compare with a woman’s love—it is kind and compassionate, patient and nurturing, generous and sweet and unconditional. Pure. If you are her man, she will walk on water and through a mountain for you, too, no matter how you’ve acted out, no matter what crazy thing you’ve done, no matter the time or demand. If you are her man, she will talk to you until there just aren’t any more words left to say, encourage you when you’re at rock bottom and think there just isn’t any way out, hold you in her arms when you’re sick, and laugh with you when you’re up. And if you’re her man and that woman loves you—I mean really loves you?—she will shine you up when you’re dusty.
encourage you when you’re down, defend you even when she’s not so sure you were right, and hang on your every word, even when you’re not saying anything worth listening to. And no matter what you do, no matter how many times her friends say you’re no good, no matter how many times you slam the door on the relationship, she will give you her very best and then some, and keep right on trying to win over your heart, even when you act like everything she’s done to convince you she’s The One just isn’t good enough.
That’s a woman’s love—it stands the test of time, logic, and all circumstance.
That sall fine and dandy, but caution here, be smart about it. If you're gonna go all the way lije that. Know that if this man isn't looking for a serious relationship, you're not going to change his mind just because you two are going on dates and being intimate. You could be the most perfect woman on the Lord's green earth-you're capable of interesting conversation, you cook a mean breakfast, you hand out backrubs like sandwiches, you're independent (which means, to him, that you're not going to be in his pockets)-but if he's not ready for a serious relationship, he going to treat you like sports fish.
Now, revealing that you're a keeper is no guarantee that this guy won't just walk away. Some men really are just sport fishing and have no intention of doing anything more than throwing back the women they bed. If this is the cae with this man, then let him walk-what do you care? He's not the guy you're looking for.
But we women, when were in a situation that we are vulnerable and needdy and desperate and in a rush. So we cant see past that and we confuse things and fantasize everything to our own personal convinience. I know. I've been there.
I got one thing tough. And i told her : Men respect standarts, so get some!!!
So you have to speak up! Dont expect him to figure it out. Otherwise he's gonna act on what you put out ther for him.
If a woman laid out the rules- requirements- early on, and let her intended know that he could either rise up to those requirements, or just move on. A directive like that signals to a man that you are not a plaything-someone to be used and discarded. It tells him that what you have- your benefits- are special, and that you need time to get to know him and his ways to decide if he DESERVES them.
The man who is willing to put in the time and meet the requirments is the one you want to stick around, because tthat guy is making a conscious decision that he, too, has no interest in playing games and will do what it takes to not only stay on the job, but also get promoted and be the proud beneficiary of your benefits. And you, in the meantime, win the ultimate prize of maintaing your dignity and self-esteem, and earning the respect of the man who recognized that you were worth the wait.
Your objective is to avoid being on a string.
The first step, I think, is to get over the fear of losing a man by confronting him. Just stop being afraid, already. The most successful people in this world recognize that taking chances to get what they want is much more productive than sitting around being too scared to take a shot. The same philosophy can be applied to dating: if putting your requirements on the table means you risk him walking away, it's a risk you have to take. Because that fear can trip you up every time; all too many of you let the guy get away with disrespecting you, putting in minimal effort and holding on to the commitment to you because you're afraid he's going to walk away and you'll be alone again. And we men? We recognize this and play on it, big time.
So Newsflash: it's not the guy who determines whether you're a sports fisher or a keeper-it's you. (Don't hate the player, hate the game.) When a man approaches you you're the one with total control over the situation-whether he can talk to you, buy you a drink, dance with you, get your number, take you home, see you again, all of that. We certainly want these things from you; that's why we talked to you in the first place. But it's you who decides if you're going to give us any of the things we want, and how, exactly, we're going to get them. Where you stand in our eyes is dictated by YOUR control over the situation. Every word you say, every move you make, every signal you give to a man will help him determine whether he should try to play you, be straight with you, or move on to the next woman to do a little more sport fishing.
Anyways...that's what i've learned from the mistakes i've made in the past. Do i put it to good use? Not always. But i realize that this is the truth and if you take this approach, you will not be cheated out of your life. Thats what i've learned and Steve Harvey gave me some pointers that were right on!
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