This is what i feel like writting. Is that ok?!

Memories are all i can hold now. All i wanna do is see you laugh again.
Its so hard on my spirt. And the pain is hurting my soul...
I said I wouldn't do this. I would act as if he never existed, act has if he had died.
I said I would just focus completely on myself.
I wear a ring on my left hand ring finger so often that I have a noticeable pale line around it when the ring is absent...
Yet and still, I'm not doing what I should. Not that I'm seeing anyone.
But I just know I'm not doing what I should.
Because there are "him"s that im always going to think about.

I hardly write anymore. And right now I really dont even feel like reading anything.
I realize that I don't really understand where it comes from, these thoughs in my head that i have to write down.
So sometimes its all there and other times its just... not there at all
People inspire me, feelings too, not the usual kind.But one ones i cant understand.
like, love.

You know what else?
When i flew back from Sarasota, the plane went through the most incredible cumulus clouds.
I wanted to cry. Is that weird?
Sometimes I'll think something is so beautiful it brings me to tears.

I was going through my favorites on my youtube account and i click on that song "This woman's work" sang by Maxwell.
I started crying within the 1st 20 seconds.The entire moment was so...
beautiful.