Sunday, March 15, 2009
Lost in Translation
You play it so cool, won't let nothing show through. I don't know if i get through to you.
The mistery and the secret about making your relationship work, according to a book that i'm reading is a woman has to know and understand the man and his cave and the man has to be sensitive and supportive to the woman's wave estate.
But i get really resentful. I feel myself thinking negative thoughts about the way he deals with our distance.
This is how i see the situation. I don't know untill what extent it is accurate, but its what i believe and its how i feel. And In silently i resent that in him and i wished that things could be different. But i feel myself as time goes by, getting less and less tolarante. I see me getting picky and i think i don't automaticly sugar coat things as i used to.
The days when i'm tired and i'm not blured by my nostalgia i find that i'm not trying to find excuses or justifications for his silence. And i should be able to be honest enough to say it. But i hold myself back. I keep thinking that the worse thing is to creature an issue or an argument "long distance".
I mean its not something that you can debate over a phone call. Or an email, no matter how elaborate i can make it.
I do miss him and i love him and i dont want to let him go. I still think that if i had to choose, life is more painful without him in it then it is with him.
He wrote to me the other day "You are the coolest woman on the planet. You really are!". I liked it but its not enough anymore. I wanted to write back and tell him that i can be more then the coolest woman on earth. I wanted to be the woman that he loved and wanted to be with. And i wanted him to realize without me haven't to say it, that he should know how lucky he is for having someone like me in his life that is so devoted and loyal to him. Thats what i want him to know. That to me he is like a new day, like the sun on my skin. I want him to understand that he shouldn't take what i feel for him for granted that i'm not saying it to shake him up. Im saying to wake him up.
And i understand that has a man he needs to figure his things out and get hislife in gear before he can be the man that he can be to me. But he can do all that without losing his focus on me, if i indeed am a part of his life and plans.