Sunday, July 4, 2010

Chose your words wisely if you have the gift of words...

What if one of your greatest strengths is also your biggest flaw
I love playing with words and conveying certain messages, I know how to hint at things without saying them and how to hurt someone in a manner that I cannot be blamed for. It can be good, but at times it is a horrible curse. I am easily provoked and often respond quickly to others. This can lead to me saying meaner things than I intend or causing someone unfair guilt. Unless someone really irritates me, I try to control my words and soften the blow. Yet, if I lose control for even a second, I find my emotions seeping into my words and twisting them into ugly creatures. Words hurt, I know this. I do not mean to be so cruel or heartless, but sometimes I slip up and allow my darker side to tangle with my verbal expression.

One thing I have learned is the importance of thinking before I speak when emotional. Often times, I type up a particularly angry response to someone that targets their insecurities or psychological theories involving what I know of their past without a second thought. I have to force myself to reread it and nine times out of ten, I delete the whole thing and settle for something more polite that gets the point across that I am not pleased without cutting up someone's self confidence.The hardest time to restrain my vocabulary is when someone targets someone close to me. I feel obligated to tear anyone apart who has the ignorance to say awful things about those close to me. I love to point out the hypocritical in others, yet I am learning to use my judgment. High school is always going to be a place of rude things and rumors. Rumors are insignificant to me, I could not care less if someone else finds me interesting to gossip about. As Emily says, "it's so seventh grade to whine about what other people say about you." I think it is a symbol of low self esteem to have to defend yourself against stupid gossip. If someone directly calls you a whore to your face, punch them. If they are making up stories about you, take it as flattery and move on. Fighting battles on rumors and "he said" / "she said" is pointless in my opinion. I only trust what I hear first person. I know people talk about me, but it doesn't concern me unless they say it to my face. I trust my friends enough that I do not feel the need to defend against what others tell them.

Someone told me once that I am the embodiment of harsh truths. She explained that through my ability to express honesty through words and look at things objectively, I tended to highlight the flaws and bad traits in others. I kind of feel bad about this, I know I have attacked my father before in this harsh manner. With the crude ability to filter myself as a child, I painted him a picture of words depicting how awful he was to me. While I acknowledge that he did hurt me, I wonder if maybe I was too cruel in my careful accusations. Since I could communicate, I have been good at figuring out others. I know some of my friends like my objective perspective, my lack of bias. I think it hinders my ability to deal with more sensitive people, because I can be a heartless bitch when necessary.

Do you say cruel things when provoked?

Do you control your words?

Do you have a curse of any sort?

No comments:

Post a Comment