Sunday, July 18, 2010

You're too amazing to ignore

You know people who really know you, i mean that kind of knowing that comes from the inside out. Even if they havent seen you in a long time, if you're going through something in your life they can see right through it.
I saw a very special person the other day. A person that once was a very important part of my life, a person that has known me since i was very young. Well this person look at me and said " I see so much sadness in your eyes. Please take care of yourself"
And he's not the first to say it. Even random people have told me that. My sister (a person who also knows me from inside out) Told me that she didnt know that this break up with have such an impact on me.
Its hard for people who dont about the kind of a relatonship we had to undertsand the dept of it and why its taken a toll on me. He did eat my heart.
what happened to us? you know? i don't know who i am anymore, or how i got here. i misswho i used to be. i wanna have a home again, you know? the "home" i had with him.. the kind of friend-ship and diologue we had. i miss that, and i miss
him. i guess i just miss all of it. does any of that make any sense?
A broken heart is not what I wanted from this. But I guess
I've learned from it. But aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes? I don't consider this a mistake. I just wish the story didn't end this way. Cause I'm still in love with the person who helped me write it.
I've gone past the anger the "you called me to say you wanted out. well, i
can't say i blame you now. sometimes you've got to fold before you're found out. well thanks for waiting this long to show yourself. because now that i can see you, i don't think you're worth a second glance." To "if i could be an angel, i'd make yourevery wish come true. but i'm only human, just the girl who's loving you." To "one day, you will miss me like hell.and you'll wish you never fucked it up. And one day you'll come running back to what could've been yours -should've been yours. and you'll see that this time around i'm the one not giving a damn and ignoring you.
Its a roller coaster of emotions still.
I know he's decition is finally and that he's letting go. I should do the same...
to let go isn't to forget, not to think about, or ignore.It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret.
Letting go isn't about winning or losing. it's not about pride and it's not about how you appear, and it's notobsessing or dwelling on the past. letting go isn't
blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn't leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. it's not about giving in or giving up. letting go isn't about loss and it's not about defeat. To let go is to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on. it is having an open mind and confidence in the future. letting go is learning and experiencing and growing. to let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. it's about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. letting go is having the courage to
accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. it is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. to let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free.
Im not ready to let go. I still hope.

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